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Author Topic: Revolution 122 RP feedback  (Read 2111 times)

DrezzyF2T

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Revolution 122 RP feedback
« on: May 01, 2014, 01:01:47 PM »
Holy shit, Eric. I wanted to cry.

Greg? I almost pissed myself at the opening lines of your first. I was, of course, being me.

I'm glad we're back. :-D

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Kincaid

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Re: Revolution 122 RP feedback
« Reply #1 on: May 01, 2014, 01:43:41 PM »
Greg had an amazing moment this week. Stein holding up his fist for a bump and getting shot down literally made me laugh out loud. Hilarious.

Entragian

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Re: Revolution 122 RP feedback
« Reply #2 on: May 01, 2014, 02:04:10 PM »
Holy fuck...the RPs this week have already reminded me of the fact that I have REALLY....missed SHOOT Project, haha.

Greg's work with Stein was picture perfect, loved the little title tug of war with the kid...and there's something so incredibly fluid about Greg's writing right now. It's like reading a good novel that you don't wanna put down, he has such a strong grasp on the character that you just can't get enough. The dialogue in this RP seems so organic and realistic too, like every time Molly and Stein SHOOT the shit I can just imagine that conversation happening in a real life setting between two real people that have natural chemistry.

The Maya/Loco joint gave me goosebumps, lol. So much emotion. I think my favorite thing so far about SHOOT coming back is how each character has been affected by SHOOT's absence and how it's almost like a hole has been carved into each of these people and now that they're back "home"...that hole is being filled again. The phone call moments and that hug at the end of the RP was amazing.

Marked like a mothafucka for JESTER! Eric is a masterful writer when it comes to capturing despair, tragedy...and Jester's descent down into ruin. The moment in the pawn shop where he buys the guy was so fucking tense...like as a reader it just makes you nervous and at the same time you just really empathize with this man who has lost so much in his life. And the ending with that single phrase..."and alive" just stays with you.

Kincaid's work was great. Revitalized, wholly back in the game...just his inner thoughts pouring out and reminding us how complex and dangerous this character is. I really liked that line "guys like Project: SCAR took the wheel of the greatest company on earth and drove it right off a cliff"...talk about a memorable quote, and when Isaac comes back I'm going to be taking him in a very new direction that involves a lot of guilt and actual remorse for past actions, so the quote really rings true. Another quotable quote from this one..."I'm a dog after a bone." I think that perfectly represents where the Kindcaid character's head is at right now. This man is hungry...and he damn sure intends to eat.


So much awesome up on these RP boards...I've missed the hell outta this.






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Re: Revolution 122 RP feedback
« Reply #3 on: May 01, 2014, 02:20:07 PM »
I really can't add more that hasn't been said about the RPs that have already been talked about, but Matt did a good job with his RP. All this talk about redemption, but not a lot of information about it. I hope the second one expands on that. Also, curious to see where the storyline with the four people and, assuming, babies that are about to be born.

There's enough to get my attention, for sure.

Daily guess as to who my opponent is: Lennox Ferguson

Also, thanks for the feedback, guys. I'm really glad that it's coming off well.







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Re: Revolution 122 RP feedback
« Reply #4 on: May 02, 2014, 05:13:42 PM »
Oh, good. Jeff is back!

For everyone praising my dialogue, this is the guy I learned from. Love his style. Jason's getting into some shit, I hate the fucker, but I'm worried for him.







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Eric Rohkar

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Re: Revolution 122 RP feedback
« Reply #5 on: May 04, 2014, 01:04:28 AM »
Holy crap I'm leaving SHOOT feedback.

First off, I just want to say that I'm really glad you guys dug my Jester storyline thing. It felt really good to write. One tiny favor: Please don't use it as fodder. I'm not sure if I'm even coming back to compete or not. I'll be doing some more storyline posts to kinda set up where Jester has been, because I hate this idea of him being in limbo. If you guys are interested in it and read it, cool, but really, I'm just trying to have fun writing my favorite character again.

Second, the Tanev and Kincaid rps are off the fucking chain. For serious, that match is gonna be crazy competitive.

Jeff is good.

Maya Nakashima is my top ten favorite characters. Drew captures a sincerity with this character that is really, really hard to capture. As kinda bizarre and quirky as Maya feels, the character also feels totally real, totally vulnerable, and is so damn easy to cheer for.

DrezzyF2T

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Revolution 122 RP feedback
« Reply #6 on: May 07, 2014, 09:12:21 AM »
Billy Winter is so Bret Easton Ellis it hurts. That is a compliment.

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Re: Revolution 122 RP feedback
« Reply #7 on: May 07, 2014, 04:46:26 PM »
What I've read so far...

Tanev:
Wow man, I must say that was pretty awesome. You set up the character superbly and I’m looking forward to more in the future (I'll read RP2 Soon.) I like that the character is very, very grounded not only in himself/his roots but in reality; you really kicked this SHOOT comeback off with a bang.

Stein:
You don’t know how awesome it feels to be reading a Greg RP again; the RP was very funny and yeah, typical douchebag Stein lol. Given that you actually don’t know who your opponent is, you’ve done an awesome job.

Maya/Loco:
Much like with Greg, man have I missed reading both Drew and Scott’s work. I’ll admit it, the thought of Maya losing “hope” after SHOOT closed was sad :( and the fact he felt like he was treading water, I think, symbolised how many have actually felt while SHOOT was on hiatus. Loco, as always didn’t disappoint. I liked the contrast with Maya losing a piece of himself and Loco taking more of a Thanks’ for the memories, lets toast a drink approach. 

Then, once we have seen how each dealt with the closure of SHOOT we are brought into the present and it was like going from black and white to colour. Very well done guys.

Jester:
Well…That was interesting lol. Good read, but fuck me was that depressing, I loved it no matter how grim it was. Best thing about it is, I have no idea where you are going to go next; and after reading that I’m impatiently waiting for the next instalment.

Kincaid:
I’ve said this to you a few times now, but you absolutely kill it with the match dialogue; you’re a very solid writer and it shows with your first RP (I’ll read your second soon.) I don’t have anything negative to say about it at all, you’ve been switched on for a while now and between you and Tanev, you guys have given us one hell of a competition so far.



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Entragian

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Re: Revolution 122 RP feedback
« Reply #8 on: May 07, 2014, 07:32:16 PM »
So uh...that Jason Riley promo just now?

I came.

lol that was amazing.






Jonny

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Re: Revolution 122 RP feedback
« Reply #9 on: May 07, 2014, 07:34:20 PM »
He says fuck too much, tbh.

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Re: Revolution 122 RP feedback
« Reply #10 on: May 07, 2014, 08:44:29 PM »

Kincaid

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Re: Revolution 122 RP feedback
« Reply #11 on: May 07, 2014, 09:00:33 PM »
I'm going to try and do audio feedback for all of these bad boys when they're done. You guys are killing it this cycle.

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Re: Revolution 122 RP feedback
« Reply #12 on: May 07, 2014, 09:04:25 PM »
Self feedback.

My RP was a little rough around the edges.  At times, it seemed directionless.  The monologue feels like it was a little forced in some places and there are little grammar things throughout.  It's clear that I'm not really sure what I want to do with Corazon right now, and I think that hurt the overall product. 

I maybe should have gone further into the whole "what happened while we were gone" thing, but my rationale was that everyone else was doing that and I felt like being vague now could give me time to go back to it at another point. 

The little cliffhanger was a fun callback to the feud with Trey.  I can definitely guess that some people might read it and get concerned that we're going to go back to it, but hopefully the shortness of it will keep that from being a prevailing idea. 

All in all, I'd give myself a 6/10. 

Kincaid

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Re: Revolution 122 RP feedback
« Reply #13 on: May 08, 2014, 06:30:50 PM »
While it's not part of Revolution, Zex's "Rainfall" was amazing.

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Re: Revolution 122 RP feedback
« Reply #14 on: May 10, 2014, 07:20:34 AM »
While it's not part of Revolution, Zex's "Rainfall" was amazing.

Cheers. I am trying to flesh out Zex, Rain and their history as much as I can without overdoing it; because I know everyone here is used to Valentine and me writing a heel as opposed to a face.

As for the next set of RP's I read.

Entragian:
Nice music choice to kick this one off, I love a bit of Yolandi and it helped set the scene well. I as always enjoyed what you did, more than anything else I liked the way you have Isaac deal with regret, he doesn’t stop or falter, but keeps moving, looking for something, anything to occupy his time. It all worked really well considering we are used to the brutal, animalistic side of Isaac; but here we weren’t faced with the animal, instead we saw something…Human.

Jason Riley:
Man. I’m sold on the characters. One of the things that always drew me to this game was character driven stories, above all else and you nailed it. They seem real and believable, but still a little exotic and movie-like. Really digging it.

Cameron Ash:
Short, sweet and to the point. The character is good, the trash wasn’t bad either. I felt like there could have been more, but that didn’t mean the RP came up short, just that there is room to move and potential for the character.

Kale Tanev 2nd:
Still really digging the believability factor and the story/character progression that came along with the second RP, I think you and Kincaid may have stolen the show. Reading through the RP you were slowly ticking off the boxes that make me like and rate something lol.  Was solid, much like the first.



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Re: Revolution 122 RP feedback
« Reply #15 on: May 10, 2014, 08:40:29 PM »
Just kinda giving overall feedback right now.

There was a lot of activity this go around, especially for a return show. Everyone really put up some good stuff. I think I was surprised by how well Ryan Shane's style fit into the SHOOT Project style. I don't know if that's how you had always roleplayed or if you just kind of picked up what was going on in SHOOT Project, but it read well.

I really enjoyed all the character development stuff posted, and hope we see more. Seven character development RPs total? Maybe more if you include the stuff that Matt did prior to bookings? That's pretty awesome stuff. The roleplay limits are only for what's scored, but you can really help build your character and iron out all the small details, so if you feel like you're not getting enough across in your RPs, take advantage of those times. Some of the best RPs were character development stuff.

The three RPs I enjoyed the most this week (in no order) were:

I Just Uploaded A Wrestling Promo Via the SHOOT Project App (1 vs Mexican) by Jason Riley
Yet Another Debut Part 2 (2 of 2 vs Cameron Ash) by Ryan Shane
Arisen [vs. Loco/Maya] by Adrian Corazon

I think the heel of the cycle is probably Jason Riley, for me. (My Hansen mark showing?)
I think the face of the cycle is probably Zex, with two strong RPs (and the Billy Minsky shout out).

Newcomer of the week (between the new characters, not necessarily handlers), is Kale Tanev. Matt put in a lot of work, and I have a feeling Eric is going to share the love with Kincaid, too.

Like Sam/Zex, I think Kale/Kincaid steals the show on the card, but there's a couple of matches that could have explosive revelations in the Mystery Opponent matches.

I was glad to see the booked champions came back and put their best out. I know that a few guys had some stuff to deal with (George/Jerry Matthews and Sky/Duck), but we really had most of the roleplays accounted for. I think Tim said that we had at least one RP a day since bookings were released or before - that's pretty steady work.

Excellent week of work, guys.







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Eric Rohkar

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Re: Revolution 122 RP feedback
« Reply #16 on: May 11, 2014, 12:26:16 AM »
Jeff is still good.

The El Asso Wipo was over the top. So, you know, perfect.

Seriously, Kincaid vs Tanev has been off the fucking chain in the rps. So wid it with this match.

Josh is being too hard on himself. That Corazon rp was really cool. I've been both super critical and a total mark over Corazon at different points during his SHOOT career, and I gotta say, the one thing I've always loved was how dedicated he is to SHOOT Project. Heel or face, that's been a mainstay, and I dig it. I feel like that really shone through here.

Trevor Worrens

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Re: Revolution 122 RP feedback
« Reply #17 on: May 11, 2014, 03:11:56 PM »
Caught wind that the close down turned into just a 6 month vacation to let everyone regenerate (which makes sense because going year round 24/7 always takes its toll no matter if you're the best writer in the world or not) so decided to check things out... gotta say, really like what I'm seeing here.

The energy and the vibe from the roster overall feels like the second golden age of SHOOT where a lot of new names came to become mainstays of the game and we saw old and new talent alike build some seriously fun stories (and work together to create matches we may not have otherwise ever seen) but where that era was almost a start from scratch, this "new era" (if you want to call it that) is the best of both worlds in that we're going to see some new blood rise or maybe fizzle (hopefully not) while its all backed by something previously established... so definitely a good call on keeping all champions in tact while keeping open the option of people returning as changed men/women.

Also love the decision to not have a world championship main event for the return show. Too often do efeds come back or begin and go "HEY WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH OMG!!!!" and its usually not OMG because nothing has really been established. Your main event is great in that it clearly establishes the world title scene and who people should be striving to tangle with/beat in the future without having to put the title up for grabs and lets those fans who aren't caught up kind of get caught up while witnessing something fresh (plus I love tag team wrestling)

As for rps themselves, there's a lot of stuff developing here that I've enjoyed reading, and I'm happy to see that the days of "writing for the sake of writing" seem to be out the window with this current crop of new/old/and re-worked characters. Sometimes you get lost in roleplays and forget what the point/focus even was but I really didn't feel that way with anything I've read so far (still catching up on the last batch)

Right now I fully endorse Kincaid. If he's not in the world title picture by the end of the year I'm going to riot. His narrative is very real and there's just that air of "epic journey" in his approach that makes me want to cheer him on all the way to the top of one of e-fedding's most prestigious ladders (the SHOOT ladder if you're not sure what ladder I'm referring too... and please no puns about SHOOT's and ladders... I will find you and punch you_

Eric's jester piece made me want him to come back so bad, which part of me then hopes he doesn't only to create an even stronger urge. There's so much more depth and complexity to that character than from when I first met him back in the day and even if its just an on going story we see here, I hope we do see something come of it somewhere down the line.

Dan Stein's handling of the mystery opponent has been entertaining as all hell, and honestly he's playing a heel I can really hate and be annoyed with (same can be said for Jeff and Jason Riley.) Obviously as a fan of Greg in general I do want him always to do the best, but there is no part of Dan Stein or Riley that I want to cheer and those are the kinds of heels wrestling and wrestling storytelling need.

I don't know if Cameron Ash and Ryan Shane are new handlers to SHOOT or just new characters, but there is a fun little old school quality to Ash as far as his very succinct promos go, and both of these guys could have the chops to go far so long as they evolve and immerse themselves completely into the SHOOT Project world (its a well established world which a lot of e-feds don't offer so make the most of it both of you)

Eli Storm always seems to be changing, which I can't totally make up my mind if that's a good thing or a bad thing. Every time I read a Storm promo I'm into it, but it always feels like I'm reading a new personality. I get that no one is one dimensional, but it seems over Storm's career he's been every type of wrestler personality type and I don't know if that's just due to feds closing and opening or just a struggle to find a one true voice for the character. Will be interesting to see what Storm brings to the table this time around seems to be going more the vet being a measuring stick to some new blood, and I'd like him to go even more jaded (I got a tone in his work this week but it wasn't completely there yet)

The Corazon rp was filled with a lot, but in a good way. I second Eric's remark about how over the years Corazon sort of became the embodiment of SHOOT Project as far as the plights, plagues, successes, and survival of this world we've all been a part of creating over time. His evolution, no matter the role, has always been tied to SHOOT. I've both liked and butted heads with Josh on several things, but at the end of the day I think Corazon is his best work and every time the character comes back or turns a new direction in his career there is this sense that it means something.

I end my feedback with two things. 1. I didn't catch a lot of what brought the Maya character to such prominence, and being he was in a tag match this week I may have to go back and read some of his stuff to get a full feel for the individual... but SHOOT doesn't just give anyone that title so I imagine Drew has done nothing but great things with a character I only knew as one have of a unique sometimes over the top tag team. So I do look forward to see what he's become.

Second... no idea how Entragian is going to fit into SHOOT's return.... SCAR was something else, but after all that has happened even the Ivory Terror has to be a changed man... or maybe not.. .maybe he's going to come back even more terrifying... but whatever it is the story set up has left me simply asking: what is in fact next.

Looks like the vacation did everyone some serious good (and perhaps that could see SHOOT Project adapt a season based schedule like professional sports? I don't know... I just know how much this can be addicting and lead to burn out lol) Also... DIG the free agent thing. not much more feedback to give in regards to that.

P.S. hey to everyone who knows me.

P.P.S. Also hey to everyone who doesn't... I'm Ed. I actually lurk these forums as opposed to these other post whores who lurk and post about naked women or TV shows. :) pretty sure the ghost of my owner character also haunts these forums.

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Re: Revolution 122 RP feedback
« Reply #18 on: May 11, 2014, 03:45:06 PM »
Hey fellas,

I don't have specific feedback as I've gotten really busy with work (thankfully) - so I'm not caught up on everything.  Loved seeing the activity.  Both RP wise and here.  The quality of what I've read so far is what I've come to expect, and I love seeing the different tones of how the break effected people, or catching up on what the Soldiers did over the last 4-6 months.   

Overall I'm definitely excited. 

DrezzyF2T

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Revolution 122 RP feedback
« Reply #19 on: May 12, 2014, 07:55:40 AM »
Just read that CADE SYDAL is Stein's mystery opponent, and done so in a very fun return promo.

Yeahhhhhhh sonnnnnnnn

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Re: Revolution 122 RP feedback
« Reply #20 on: May 12, 2014, 08:05:55 AM »
Laz CD:
Nice to see what’s been going on with Laz over the past few months; the best thing about this RP and the Laz character in general, is that you never overdo it. I’ve seen people do the “Actor-Wrestler” gimmick in the past and they ALWAYS write it as if the character is as good-looking and wanted by women as Channing Tatum, but as gifted an actor as Kevin Spacey. You avoid that cliché and have made Laz struggle with getting work due to his passion for wrestling, which makes it far more interesting and believable. Over all was a good little story piece.

Chaos/Edward Taylor CD:
This reminded me of an old school wrestling Vignette; just a small window into the life of a character. You didn’t try to cram too much in and gave just enough to create a little intrigue.

I don’t know if you've seen it, but TNA have recently done these videos with Knux going back to his home town, where you got little snip-its of who he is and where he came from, This CD had a vibe similar to those video packages.

Kincaid 2nd:
Smashed it again lol. Not a lot more I can say other than that. This has been some of the best work I’ve seen from you. I have to say it’s been a hell of a ride seeing you and Tanev go back and forth like this, I’m hoping I get to see you two go at it again; sooner rather than later.



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Re: Revolution 122 RP feedback
« Reply #21 on: May 13, 2014, 04:14:40 PM »
Wipo:
Officer Reeve Timmons = WIN. What more do I need to say?

Corazon:
I think you were being a little harsh on yourself with the self feedback if I am being honest. The story was good, the promo portion also. The best part of the RP for me though was the use of RCW, it made so much sense for Corazon to check them out and visit, as if he found some sort of solace and hope from being there, it was a really nice touch.

Ryan Shane 1st:
I really dug the opening, you managed to set the pace, back-story and over all mindset of the character perfectly, without over doing it. It also felt like pretty good prologue to the first scene; given we find that Shane is self-medicating. 

The match focus was decent; and above all else, you did more selling of how the character thinks. I like it when trash or promo work has a personal touch, a lot of people do that here in SHOOT, rather than the "burial" trash talk style which has become popular, which is why I think you will fit right in. I also marked out a little with the introduction of "Jack," given I know a little bit more about what went on between those two than anyone else here, looking forward to see where you go with it.




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Lucy Blaylock

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Re: Revolution 122 RP feedback
« Reply #22 on: May 17, 2014, 02:51:42 PM »
Tim had no idea it was coming, which made it sooooo much better.

I'll get some feedbacks up tonight, I promise. Also wondering if Tim is gonna post the RoS roleplays at some point because I'd like to read what Jason wrote.