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Author Topic: Revolution 123 RP Feedback  (Read 1424 times)

T

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Revolution 123 RP Feedback
« on: May 14, 2014, 12:46:20 PM »
The World Heavyweight Champion kicked things off right. Way to lead the charge, Drew!

I'm loving Maya as a strong face champion and "Passion" was a great example of it. Drew finds a way to make the character so likeable and gives you something you can really get behind (gay Maya pun totally intended). At the same time though, he comes of strong as the champion and makes it clear he has no intentions of letting Zex take the title from him, despite the fact that he respects him. Love the connection between this upcoming Maya/Zex match and the King/Maya match too. Good shit, champ.

BUT, FUCK YOUR STRATS, DREW!


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Maya Nakashima

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Re: Revolution 123 RP Feedback
« Reply #1 on: May 14, 2014, 03:43:06 PM »
The World Heavyweight Champion kicked things off right. Way to lead the charge, Drew!

I'm loving Maya as a strong face champion and "Passion" was a great example of it. Drew finds a way to make the character so likeable and gives you something you can really get behind (gay Maya pun totally intended). At the same time though, he comes of strong as the champion and makes it clear he has no intentions of letting Zex take the title from him, despite the fact that he respects him. Love the connection between this upcoming Maya/Zex match and the King/Maya match too. Good shit, champ.

BUT, FUCK YOUR STRATS, DREW!

I read that last part as "Butt fuck your strat, Drew" like you were trying to make another Maya pun.

Entragian

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Re: Revolution 123 RP Feedback
« Reply #2 on: May 14, 2014, 05:29:33 PM »
Loved that roleplay. I'll repeat what I always say...something so genuine about Maya, you just wanna befriend a guy like that and root for him every step of the way.

Or kidnap him for six months and do unspeakable things to him, depending on what you're into!






Kincaid

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Re: Revolution 123 RP Feedback
« Reply #3 on: May 16, 2014, 12:36:03 PM »
That Zex RP tho.

One of the things I've been hitting on in the stuff I've been reading this run is that guys are making things I normally don't like work really well. I was telling Jer about how he managed to use song lyrics as a lynchpin of his RP and not have it be cheesy and awful. Well, Zex's "One" and indeed all of his stuff manage to use something else I really don't like well: Flashy formatting.

I know. It's a complaint that makes me look like a crochety old man, but too often I feel like guys use "unique" formatting as a crutch to try and better a mediocre RP. There have been times - in other feds and even this one - where I've thought guys had better, substantive story pieces that got beat out by some flashy colors and some logos breaking up the paragraphs. Usually, when I see it I either roll my eyes or ignore it completely.

But it works for Zex. It works for The Artist.

I love his interactions with the club patrons. They're real, you know? Like, when he gets asked about the 'Drake lyrics' he answers the question with a sort of polite amusement. It's an obviously stupid question but he's got no reason to be pissed about so he laughs it off. No harm done. But when Gender talks about Rain's "style" in a way that dismisses her life experience and minimizes her into another one of the endless clubrat douches in the place he's disgusted and gets defensive as a result. It's an interesting bit of character: He's not a jerk, but he has his standards. You'd want to put him in a box, but he stands alone even in a room full of people trying to flash dominant personalities.

What's interesting to me about that is how it ties into the second bit. I don't know if it's intentional or not, but there's a bit here where Zex talks about what's blocked his path. About hardships and the like right? And so my mind goes back to when he's talking about how hard Rain used to have it. She's defined by those hardships, and she presents something as a result. Something that might be hard to understand to Joe Public.

And isn't that what Zex is? I mean, if you read his profile you think "Standard douchebag heel". But he isn't. He's this guy with a loving relationship, he's a guy who takes his craft seriously, who has all these dreams and aspirations that have formed as a result of his career right? But you don't see that unless you look. All you see how he presents. You see the "style." I want to know if this is intentional. I want to know if, as a reader, I was supposed to draw this parallel or if I'm overthinking. It rocked in any case.

The point is: Zex is color. Bright color in a club full of folks who only make themselves look drab by trying to yell about how bright they are. I LOVED this.

SV

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Re: Revolution 123 RP Feedback
« Reply #4 on: May 17, 2014, 09:26:39 AM »
I spoke to you briefly about my RP on AIM, but in case anyone else is wondering the same thing you are...Then.

With Zex more so than Valentine I like to theme my RPs and layer things throughout. I'm a real sucker for subtext when I read or watch things and the characters of both Zex and Rain allow me to play around with it.

What I try to do (And I did this with Valentine also.) Is make the characters frame of reference internal rather than external, they do not worry about how they are perceived by others. For example if you take Zex and put him in a nightclub he doesn't act any differently than he would if he were sitting on the couch. Because the external isn't strong enough to alter his belief system or change who he is or how he acts.

Everybody knows or has met someone who changes like the seasons, that friend who feels the need to assert himself around his friends, try to be alpha, try to stand out; people like that live inside their head; constantly wondering how people perceive them, putting mental effort into coming across as cool or edgy. When the reality is they are insecure, because they feel the need to change who they are depending on where they are and who they are with.

Zex (And even more so with Rain, because Zex is a showman at heart.) do not have that need, they are content with who they are and that projects a natural coolness rather than trying to force something or pretend to be something they are not.

---

That's enough about my RP though; so I'll quickly give some feedback to the RP I read most recently. (I'll also try to get more up over the rest of the weekend.

Blair/Winter:

The dynamic between these two characters is awesome. On paper it shouldn't work because who they both are, what they like, where they've been ect are so far apart that you would think these guys would hate eachother; and you see that in the portion of the promo set before they meet. But once they get talking; you soon realise these two have a lot more in common than even they could have imagined.

It's a cool concept to play around with and could still go either way at this point. They could either gel and work well together or the commonalities they share could force them to butt heads, given Billy's ego and penchant to look out for himself.



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Brooks

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Re: Revolution 123 RP Feedback
« Reply #5 on: May 18, 2014, 01:48:56 AM »
Really impressive work this work. Digging Zex. Kale Tanev and Billy Winter are fast becoming my favourites.

Jonny

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Re: Revolution 123 RP Feedback
« Reply #6 on: May 20, 2014, 06:13:36 PM »
Jusssssst passing time and read stuff from Laz, Matt and Scottttttt....

I think C-Laz has, is by far, the most fully imagined character currently being written. The story bleeds right into the promo work and everything just CLICKS. The smoking in the car he has no intention of purchasing while casually mentioning of seth rogan and james franco... soooo solid. I wont lie... but laz/maya feud would be soooooo money. Seeing Laz deal with ACTUAL responsibility at the top of the card would make for some really great storytelling.

Matt's latest with Tanev was killer. Im a suuuucker for the perfectly captured youth soccer scene. As both a u-6 coach and official, I can say you nailed it with 100% certainty.  The drifter persona works exceptionally well and you're really owning the character. Bank account scene was subtly tagic. Great writing.

Anarchy getting twitter trollled and being out of shape is my favorite thing. I HOPE THEY GET THEIR ACTS TOGETHER.

Im gonna try and read more. Love u bois

DrezzyF2T

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Revolution 123 RP Feedback
« Reply #7 on: May 23, 2014, 09:41:12 AM »
If Kincaid wins the Iron Fist title? Let there be no doubt that he earned it. I haven't felt this motivated (outside of the match with Jaime) since the TMB feud. Best of luck, brother.

Also, Super Food Tanev is going to be a major deal in short order.

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Kincaid

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Re: Revolution 123 RP Feedback
« Reply #8 on: May 23, 2014, 05:56:06 PM »
I sat there staring at "Super Food Tanev" in your RP because I didn't get it for like a full minute, and then when it clicked I laughed like an idiot.

Billy Winter is, indeed, incredibly Bret Easton Ellis. It's so much fun to read. He's crazy, obviously, but crazy is always written the same way in efeds. You're always generic 'violent' and 'tortured'. It doesn't manifest often in the cold detachment and narcissism that Billy has. It's super unique.

DrezzyF2T

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Revolution 123 RP Feedback
« Reply #9 on: May 23, 2014, 06:43:01 PM »
I'm definitely looking forward to working with Jer as Billy, from one Ellis-influenced character to another, almost the Rip or "Clay" to my Sean or...well, Bret.

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Re: Revolution 123 RP Feedback
« Reply #10 on: May 23, 2014, 07:17:32 PM »
I think Elgin Blair is pretty great.

Entragian

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Re: Revolution 123 RP Feedback
« Reply #11 on: May 23, 2014, 11:08:08 PM »
I appreciate the Billy love, guys. "unique" is probably the best compliment I could ever get pertaining to him because I want him to come across as way different than characters I've written previously.

I think Elgin Blair is pretty great.

I'm a witness to his greatness. Can't wait to see how you flesh this guy out even more....any villain inspired by Boyd Crowder is my kinda villain. I plan on living vicariously through Elgin because I always wanted to write a southern heel (tried with Delacroy, never got it quite right)






Matt

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Re: Revolution 123 RP Feedback
« Reply #12 on: May 24, 2014, 02:47:43 AM »
If Kincaid wins the Iron Fist title? Let there be no doubt that he earned it. I haven't felt this motivated (outside of the match with Jaime) since the TMB feud. Best of luck, brother.

Also, Super Food Tanev is going to be a major deal in short order.

I LOL'd.

Fun fact. The Kale part of the character is named after a guy I played ball with back in the mid 2000s, well before I'd heard of kale the food.

xiv

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Re: Revolution 123 RP Feedback
« Reply #13 on: May 24, 2014, 10:14:04 AM »
Now picturing a Popeye homage... late in the match...  Baby Face comeback engaged with a can of kale!

Lucy Blaylock

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Re: Revolution 123 RP Feedback
« Reply #14 on: May 26, 2014, 04:45:05 PM »
No matter how it finishes, but it was great working with Matt this week. Your RP's were tremendous. Hope I did the match justice!

Brooks

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Re: Revolution 123 RP Feedback
« Reply #15 on: May 26, 2014, 10:41:54 PM »
GPrime: three thumbs up

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Re: Revolution 123 RP Feedback
« Reply #16 on: May 26, 2014, 10:44:07 PM »
GPrime: three thumbs up

Where's the thiOH. OH I GET IT.







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SV

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Re: Revolution 123 RP Feedback
« Reply #17 on: May 27, 2014, 07:17:39 PM »
I'll be adding some RP feedback to my show feedback, because I think that with all the awesome RPs that went up, that real judgement on the overall story rather than just RPs.



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