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T

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Revolution 123 Feedback
« on: May 28, 2014, 02:35:02 AM »
The SHOOT Project rolls on as we bring you...

REVOLUTION 123: "Generations"

Let us know. Sorry for the delay. Manual coding blows.


Former Sin City Champion (1x)
3/24/2013-9/2/2013


Kincaid

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Re: Revolution 123 Feedback
« Reply #1 on: May 28, 2014, 03:28:24 AM »
YES!

Look, I totally admit to being the asshole who scrolls right to his match and reads that first. God, I finally did it. I know it's all imaginary title and shit and I shouldn't care but FINALLY. I'm glad to be back here. I'm glad we overcame our difficulties and I'm so glad I finally got it done. Thanks to Laz for an INCREDIBLY close match though. I can't tell you guys how pumped I am about this.

There will be more feedback. Full show feedback. Congratulations to Kale too! You the man, Super Food.

Maya Nakashima

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Re: Revolution 123 Feedback
« Reply #2 on: May 28, 2014, 04:32:13 AM »
Das Feedbacks:

Opener: I wasn't entirely sure about the opener when it started, something about it felt a little out of place. However, once Riley and Co. showed up I was a little more sold on it, since it's something of the norm to start of with the heels getting over with an early beat down on their face opponent, so it serves its purpose of pushing the later match with some story elements. I'm not exactly sure how Wipo is going to compete in the match, but... hey, that's what makes me want to read it even more. Also, the "d" at the end of stupid is so crude and lewd, I feel the censoring of it was completely justified.

Wipo/Jonny vs. Riley/Quinn: So... I guess my earlier question of wondering how Wipo was going to compete got answered real fast. I assume there's going to be some eyes shifted towards Jonny after this one, especially after he made the save for Wipo last week and had a face moment that, especially now, I wasn't really buying. But yeah, Wipo gets pretty handily dealt with and Riley, Quinn, and Wailer end up looking like heel gold after this one. Still very anxious to see how the Jonny factor plays out in all of this and how, if at all, Wipo responds to this brutal beating.

Isaac/Maya: I helped write it so, hopefully everyone enjoyed.

Stein/Lazarus: So, I feel like this segment started off pretty well. Stein played the part of douchebag heel pretty well, but it just kinda got out of control a little fast. To be honest this line, "Molly facepalms and Lazarus tongues the inside of his cheek, his hands on his hips (or, at least on the belt of the Iron Fist title around his hips) as he immediately grows tired of this unwanted interaction" made me do a double take because I still have no clue where Lazarus' hand is supposed to be on his hip. It's probably stupid of me to point that out, but it just felt like a clusterfuck of words that weren't needed. And then promptly followed by "your mom with a dick in her ass" and necrophilia jokes just completely took me out of the segment. Not that they were gross or uncomfortable it just... seemed awkward and out of place, like juvenile to a level I couldn't handle anymore. I don't know, maybe that was the point, I just wasn't sold on it, sorry guys.

Sin City Triple Threat: Could Stein bring anyone else out with him, seriously it's like he brought the entire circus with him, which makes for an actually great dickbag heel image. I find both amusement and malcontent at Heflin admonishing Stein about Molly the Chimp. I like how the match progressed with Stein deciding to bounce to the outside and let Storm and Shane duke it out for a little while, it's another little touch that pushes Stein as a total dick. The chop sequence... I'm not sure I agree totally with how that part was written as like, "Stein-chop!Eli-chop!Stein-chop" and so on and so forth. Like, prior to that, there was a fragment where the chops were actually described, there's fan reactions to them, and we get a nice picture and then "Stein-chop!Eli-chop!"and it's just like... seems a little bit like a cop out, I dunno. Anyway, that aside, I enjoyed the match and it was a solid showing for all parties, Stein retains the strap in a way that continues to push his character forward. One compliment I will give to G, it seems like everything he does with Stein is always pushing the fact that he's a total ego maniac piece of shit, it's really solid heel writing for my money.

Chaos Backstage: I... have no idea what to make of this segment. I haven't seen a whole lot out of Chaos yet, but he seems like he's a taco short of the El Grande combo.  It's really hard for me to critique this because I don't know much about Chaos, where he comes from, or even what some of his motivations are. Like, why is he so fucking batshit out of his mind? It intrigues me, because I want to know, but at the same time it's just... it's fucking weird, man.

Blair/Winter vs. Chaos/Ash: How does no one comment on the fact that Winters drove to the ramp in a Lambo with a sound system blaring so loud it's his actual theme music? And god that match ended fast, I felt like the name of Winter's finisher was longer than the match, but it was a good showing for both newcomer teams to showcase what they're all about and get some much needed airtime.

Tanev Segment: Pretty sure this should have been labeled "Previously Recorded", but that's just me. It's a short segment, but I feel like it gives a good little tidbit of insight on Tanev, so I don't really have any, merchandise self promoting aside, complaints about it.

Crippler Segment: Pretty standard face champion fodder before a match, not much else to comment on really.

RoS Championship Match: Loved this match from the get-go, it was a great showcase for both guys in what has got to be considered a little bit of an upset. However, while I did love the added touch of Crippler being a true fighting champion and demanding another five minutes over the tie, I feel like if you're gonna do that you need like a legit extra five minutes added on to the match, where as it seemed like Crippler charged in, got caught in a submission, and tapped in a matter of like ten seconds. That was my only real gripe about the match, huge win for KT and congrats to our new RoS Champ.

Backstage with Jonny: You had to know something like this was coming from Jonny, you just had to know it was just a matter of time. I love the interaction between Jonny and Loco, from someone who does what he says and Jonny who seems to be mostly talk at the moment, further questioning the motives of Jonny and another thing I actually really dug was the fact that Jonny actually mentioned the fact that he didn't cut a promo and used it as a tool to come off as a holier than thou jackass. Dug it a lot.

Iron Fist Championship Match: A really intense match up, but there was a general comment I wanted to make. For the most part, like I said, I loved the match but what I wanted to bring up was the aspect of special moves in written matches. You gotta tell us what the move is, how it's being setup, and make an attempt to describe what happens. Here is specifically an example of what I'm talking about, "The crowd lets out a HUGE cheer, but Kincaid is INCENSED! He IMMEDIATELY rushes forward, FIRING a heavy shot to Corey’s jaw. He DRAGS him off the ropes, boots him in the gut, and sets him up!! Other Guy: GOTCH DRIVER! HE NAILED IT! HE GOT HIM!". I have no idea what a Gotch Driver is or even what the setup for one is, so at this point I have no clue what just happened. Was it a fireman's carry setup, a vertical suplex lift, powerbomb lift... ? And this is a HUGE point in the match because from OG's perspective it sounds like a game ender, and we, the readers, have no idea what even happened. But, that aside, it was an intense match that seemed to be going back and forth with both guys pulling out all the stops and Corey's reign is ended, giving Kincaid a great feel good moment after his long wait to cash in on the IF Title. Also, all these title changes are making me nervous as fuck, yo.

Zex Segment: Short, sweet, and speaks absolute volumes about the Zex character and motivations. I loved this segment, really and truly.

Surprise Announcement: So, MotM is a huge fucking deal and it's great that its back. BUT, for my money, the big announcement was that ANYONE can enter. Free Agent, different promotion, WHOEVER can enter and it's going to be a whopping 32 people at max. Fucking stoked as shit, man.

Maya vs. Zex WHC: So, I mentioned it before and would feel a little hypocritical if I didn't mention it again, but with special moves... we gots to know how it goes, like, "He hits the opposite side and Zex turns to face him. Maya comes off with even MORE speed, ducking another clothesline and hits the opposite ropes. HE LEAPS up ontp Zex’s shoulders!Other Guy: FOR JAPAN! WOW! That came from freaking NOWHERE!". See, all we can see is Maya leaps up onto Zex's shoulders, what happens next? Of course I know because I'm Maya, but if you aren't familiar with my moveset... it's hard to picture. And believe me, I know it's hard to figure out how to write some of these specialty moves, but I think if we're encountering problems on this venue just contact the handler and try to get a better grasp if at all possible. That being said, still a really great match, and I want to say right here that it was an absolute pleasure to RP against Zex and when I said in my promos that I thought he was the future of SHOOT, that was legit, it wasn't just Maya being Maya. I knew about the aftermath, but not the match outcome, so I can't comment too much on that so... FEEDBACK DONE.




SV

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Re: Revolution 123 Feedback
« Reply #3 on: May 28, 2014, 07:03:14 PM »
Roleplayer of the Cycle:
Wow, we had so many fantastic RP’s this week that it’s hard to pick just one RPer above all else.

But, I’m going to go with Kincaid; because he was up against a 100% on form Laz and pulled off a huge, huge win.

Maya, also absolutely smashed it this week; I can’t say enough how much I enjoyed this cycle from an RPing standpoint.

Single best RP of the Cycle:
Maya’s first. As I said it was a pleasure to RP against Drew this week.

The Blair/Winter joint RP was great, I was really impressed with how well the characters go together, while still being at opposite ends.

Another RP that made me take notice was Dan Stein’s first.

CD of the Cycle:
Hall of Rubble; not only was it a great read, it also furthered the evolution of Entragian; before being continued on the results.

Match of the Cycle (RPs. "competitiveness"):
It’s a toss up between Laz/Kincaid and Kale/LC. All of these guys deserve a pat on the back for the work they put up this week.

Match of the Cycle (Written):
Rule of Surrender and Iron Fist matches. It was good to see the effort these guys put into their RP's play into two very solid matches.

World Heavyweight Title match, I think Maya and Zex's wrestling styles really fit well together and it showed.

Most Improved:
Eli Storm. I think the character is still “finding himself/finding his place;” which showed a little this week. Finding that right “placement” can take time. But by having Storm looking back at last week and showing some emotion, you showed me that the character has legs. I think with more emotion the character will find where he needs to be.

Segment of the Cycle:
I’m going to be a mark again and profess my undying fandom for the Maya/Entragian storyline; I mentioned the CD earlier and now we have the second half of the story. Was a nice touch.

Loco/Jonny was another fantastic segment; the conceitedness of Johnson was off the charts, loved it.

Also, I really enjoyed the match driven segments we had; it added a “real-wrestling” vibe, where we see the combatants focusing on the task at hand, there were a handful of them spaced out on this show and they all came across really well.

Surprise of the Cycle:
The Chaos segment surprised me. It was a real head scratcher and clearly that was the point, which means the segment did its job.

Feud of the Cycle:
Maya and Mephisto which picked right back up this week.

Story of the Cycle:
There are a few coming along nicely…
Maya/Entragian.
The story with Jonny and The Goons. (Sounds like a punk band.)
The formation of Jacob Mephisto’s Serpent Society their obvious issues with Maya, Zex and anyone with pure intentions.
MASTER OF THE MAT. Enough said.

Heel(s) of the Cycle:
Mephisto and Co.
The Marauders. (Wailer, Quinn and Riley.)
And, I would say Jonny, because he’s walking a fine line this week.

Face(s) of the Cycle:
Maya, because Maya is the epitome of a face.
Loco, for calling Jonny out and sticking to his guns.
I put Jonny in a fine line and so I'll put Isaac in that fine line also.

Line of the Cycle:
“Whoa… wait. Heh. Are you… Are you calling me out because I didn't cut a FUCKING PROMO? (Very irritated) Look, man...I don't owe a SECOND of my time to empowering those scumbag punks or anyone like them, and if this place is smart, it'll handle all of its (making air quotes) "threats" the same way. (Shaking his head, frustrated) We are ONE HUNDRED PERCENT done with this conversation.” – Jonny Johnson.

Laugh of the Cycle:
Much like last time; EAW and Reeve Timmons.

Random Props of the Cycle:
Drew. It was awesome facing you; I had a blast reading your RPs and just as much fun writing against you, this cycle reminded me why I love this game so much.

We also had some fantastic RP’s go up this week all round and I’m stoke to be in the same fed as so many talented writers.



Newcomer of the Year 2013.

Entragian

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Re: Revolution 123 Feedback
« Reply #4 on: May 28, 2014, 08:22:08 PM »
(I always wait for Sam to post feedback so that I can copy and steal his format…much obliged sir!)

Roleplayer of the Cycle:
The boards got lit the fuck UP this cycle…such awesome work. It’s a tie for me.

Zex continues to be cemented as a high caliber face on the roster more and more each week. His work against Maya did the stellar job of showing respect and the competitive spirit mingled into one. Zex feels like the kind of hero this generation can really get behind. A dude who’s inked up with crazy hair and an edgy/unique image. Really plays up the “Generations” theme this week too.

Stein continues to be the most OUTSIDE OF THE BOX heel on the roster right now. He’s got that chickenshit/vain douche heel niche locked and perfected. Molly getting driven up the wall by Stein’s behavior never fails to amuse me. I think I enjoy Greg’s work so much because his NPCs are just as fleshed out and entertaining as his main. I expect this to be a verrrrry long Sin City Title reign for the character.

Single best RP of the Cycle:
A Wrestling Promo and Warning of Darker Times by Tom Quinn (vs EAW) This just felt so different to me. Almost like an amateur YouTuber just strolling along and vlogging. I think I like this trio so much because they all bring different things to the table. Quinn seems almost like the moral compass of the group, Riley is just vulgarity and rage, and Wailer is this creepy, empty shell of humanity. Strange, broken puzzle pieces all fitting together into one…and I dig it.

10 Count [Kincaid]
I like how Tony blends vulnerability with hunger. I think Kincaid’s driving force as a character is his HUNGER. He’s incredibly competitive and he wants to continually push himself and reach new heights as a wrestler. He recognizes when he encounters pitfalls and he meticulously plans on how to overcome them. What I loved about this was Kincaid highlighting how difficult it is to put down a SHOOT Soldier…ANY SHOOT Soldier. So much truth to this from an in character perspective and out of character perspective…talent pool round here is fuckin’ insane.

CD of the Cycle:
Polls, Trolls, and Swiss Rolls {An ANARCHY! story}
Something about ANARCHY discussing the dangers of Twitter and how hurtful fat jokes can be just cracked me the fuck up. Just tickled my funny bone.


Match of the Cycle (Written):
(First off I’d like to apologize for how short my match was this cycle. I’m really limited on time lately with work and as a result I don’t really get the chance to write the really long story-driven epics that I used to love writing. I need to try and find a balance for that or maybe step away from match writing completely for awhile and just focus on RPs or something, we’ll see moving forward how my schedule looks)

Two jump right out at me.

Crip vs. Tanev (RoS) and Laz vs. Kincaid (IF)
Both of these matches were EPICS. Wild spots, really strong pacing, and more important than anything else they told a story. Major props to the match writers.

My least favorite thing about the e-fed game is match writing. I just don’t enjoy it. Maybe because I love wrestling for the storylines, and I don’t get much out of just writing moves for the sake of writing moves, or reading long chain wrestling sequences and stuff like that…it’s just not something that captures me. Some people can do it well because they love the sport of wrestling itself…but I’m all about story…soooo when a writer manages to intertwine an intriguing story into “punch, slam, pin attempt, blah blah blah” then I’m an instant fan. Both of these matches accomplished that.

Most Improved:
Chaos At first I had no fuckin’ idea what to even make of Chaos. I feel like he’s finding his legs now as just this off the wall eccentric character that’s really unpredictable. There are comedic elements and sometimes you scratch you head and wonder…”does this guy have autism?” I dunno what’s going on with him…but it keeps me guessing, and I like that! 

Segment of the Cycle:
EASILY the Jonny/Loc segment. Jonny’s excuses just keeping piling up. He claims that he wants to save SHOOT, but that ridiculously hilarious wrist injury holds him back…and there’s just this underlying vibe of sinister trolling…like Jonny knows exactly what he’s doing and he’s doing solely to irritate the fuck outta people. I’m just HOOKED on this…and anything Jeff writes has the ability to hook an audience quickly. Loc calling him out was an awesome touch. Also liked that “you doing your Walmart greeter gimmick, Loco?” line…lmao

Surprise of the Cycle:
MEPHISTO!!!! Got goosebumps, haha. Time Is On My Side is the perfect theme song for a surprise return. The serpent is slithering through SHOOT Project once again…and it seems he’s come back with some VERY powerful allies too. The idea of DESPAIR is pretty much the perfect opposition to Maya’s never-ending quest to push HOPE.

Feud of the Cycle:
Maya & Mephisto This feud is resurrected in a big way.

Story of the Cycle:
Jonny and his connection to The Scavengers
Mephisto/Maya feud
MOTM, obviously
 

Heel(s) of the Cycle:
Mephisto and the Harbingers of Despair
Riley, Quinn, Wailer…I call them The Scavengers
Feels like Jonny is teasing the heel reemergence, but you can NEVER tell where Jeff is taking a character…so this is tentative

Face(s) of the Cycle:
Maya He is all things face, the symbol of SHOOT Project and the prince of HOPE
Zex Very edgy/modern face…he makes being a good guy look cool
Laz I’m throwing Laz up here too…I always have the hardest time figuring out what Laz’s alignment is. I perceive him as this witty, confident face with some arrogant personality traits, but they just make him more interesting…kinda like Dolph Ziggler as a face. Maybe I’m wrong on his alignment, but he strikes me as likable in that way.

Line of the Cycle:
Jason Riley: THEEEEERE goooooes my He-ro...

Dan Stein: I got it. You’re the guy whose chick I slept with the night I beat Osbourne Kilminster for my second Iron Fist Championship! How you doing, man? Molly, get me a marker, I need to sign this kid’s belt.

The DEFILER: Is there uhhh.... is there a problem here. Or... you just doing your Walmart Greeter gimmick again?

Loco Martinez: I'm good. Just here. At Work. Enjoying the show. Appreciating all the hard work that everyone's been putting into this place. Oh, and dudeman... doctor’s note, huh? Kinda high school of you, no?

Soooo many awesome quotes to choose from.

Laugh of the Cycle:
Stein & Laz having a dick measuring contest and just slingin’ barbs back and forth at each other. 

Random Props of the Cycle:
Everyone killed it yet again…I’m pumped for MOTM!

One quick note: I think the idea of each episode of Revolution having some kind of theme is REALLY cool. Like “Resurrection” or “Generations”…it almost gives the characters a central “vibe” to play around with in RPs and segments and makes everything feel so interconnected in the SHOOT world.






DrezzyF2T

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Revolution 123 Feedback
« Reply #5 on: May 29, 2014, 05:33:28 AM »
You're right on Laz's alignment. He's a face, but it's mostly out of begrudging respect and because dick jokes are all the lulz.

*"Behind the Scenes" graphic by Sam Valentine
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Kincaid

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Re: Revolution 123 Feedback
« Reply #6 on: May 30, 2014, 08:19:17 AM »
Agh, all I want to take about is the EPIC closing angle and how awesome the announcement was. But anyway. This is going to be long. So much about this show made me happy and I'm going to take a day or two to take my time on feedback and give you my thoughts.

Anyway, I love the opening of this. What do we always say about SHOOT? It's real. It feels more real than almost anywhere else. And this opening drops that. But it ALSO brings up the amazing comic book feel, the huge themes. The heroes. The bad guys. And this matters. Tonight, it matters for a huge reason. This plays into the amazing closing segment really well probably without meaning to do it. All that opening stuff is a happy little coincidence. This is super serious narration to set up some comedy but it's even more awesome knowing what happens later in the night.

But anyway, the meat.

TCHA!

How can you not love Wipo? He's awesome. In just a few lines, he makes us love him and gives a real positive vibe so that when the beatdown comes you're really pissed about it. And Quinn and Riley are just SUCH assholes. Real swaggering bully jerks. The line that really got to me was Quinn's “I hope your other partner shows up to save the day.” because that underlying 'We can do this to him to' is totally right there.

Missed a bit of formatting. There's an “Opening blurb goes here” intact in the show.

The commentators are so good here. The outrage and disgust between the two of them is awesome, especially Other Guy's “I get that a lot of things happen in pro wrestling...” because isn't that how every conversation about an asshole starts? Especially a dangerous asshole who might beat you up if he hears it? You're just kind of like “Listen man, I know you're in a bad mood...”  Quinn and Riley jump a fan and we get this real unhinged Brody feeling, you know? And then of course “Weird way to start a show.” Perfect.

There's something that makes me laugh about the notion of big, scary ass Isaac in a baseball hat. You know me, I love my comic book comparisons and I was getting some heavy Sabretooth vibes in this one. I loved Maya walking around with the championship. Tim Sylvia got a ton of shit for doing that when he was UFC champ, but if I had a world title I'd have it on me all the damn time. Be proud. Entragian's did all this awful shit, but the notion of people knowing he did something good wigs him right out. That whole candle exhange was cheesy as fuck and totally worked for me. SHOOT's going to need the Pale Rider to whether the coming storm though.

“Stein looks to his left as he walks, staring at Mary Kelly probably a touch longer than a professional should “ Hee.
Oh my god, that exchange about Donovan King. Wow. Can you imagine being in the same room as these two? Weird Assholes, everywhere. I dunno though, this was the first segment that kind of took me out of the show. It's not my kind of humor. Just too sophomoric. It doesn't take much effort to yell about a dick in someone's ass, is all I'm saying. You guys can do better.

The Sin City Championship match started with a point I'd wished the commentators would have expanded on a little more. They mention one of Stein's opponents having a three way a little while ago. A little more right there about how that gives him an advantage, since he's used to competing in that environment would have been great there. “He looks so proud of himself.” “Haaaaave you met Dan Stein?” Great. Stein is, in a lot of ways, a perfect heel for the 2000's in that he's a prick, but he's a prick you'd want to spend money to watch. It's not boring, go away heeling. Great stuff in this match. I think I liked the Spinebuster spot the best.

Good placement on the Exodus plug, especially right after a Stein match.

“Bemusement” does not mean what Chaos thinks it means. This one's hard to give my opinions on because it's kind of all over the place. I mean, if you're going for crazy and only half in the moment it works great I guess. It seemed to be good for the character I felt like you were going for.

I'm really digging the commentators tonight. So many simple little things that work great. I really enjoyed them pointing out two guys entering together was a good sign of early teamwork. It shows an understanding of the fundamental psychology differences of tag wrestling. That's important. No matter how much you try to make it sound badass though, no one's going to fall for a devastating WRISTLOCK. Even with a story about how it kills people. Billy Winter is out of his goddamn mind. I really liked the length of this match. It's a midcard tag team thing that's mostly just there to establish characters and it was a great length for that with a sensible, realistic ending. It felt the most “TV” out of all the matches we'd see tonight.

Hahaha, poor Kale. Dude's screwed. But you know what? I sympathize with the worker. He's got a point. Dude's got to make the numbers match up!

LC's great to me in that, in a company full of outlandish characters, he's sort of the “veteran wrestler”. He feels like he's done it all and he's one of those guys the fans will always sort of cheer for no matter what he does. He kind of feels like a Chris Jericho does these days. But anyway, this was a solid straight wrestling promo. I really enjoyed the Double Edged Sword bit. Show, don't tell is important. A lesser writer, like me frankly, would have done another paragraph about how it makes sure if you lose to have to lose by submission and that means your image is constantly on the line just to drill that into everyone's head and make sure they got it. He doesn't need to do that. He makes that point in one line. Great stuff that shouldn't be overshadowed in a show of louder, more obvious stuff going on.

Commentators again. Yeah, being in the ring with Crippler is NOT a great reward. I really enjoyed “Cheap Pop.” right in the middle of the narration. Awesome. Everybody has a damn MMA background in wrestling now. It's one of my biggest pet peeves in the world. Every new character does the MMA thing. Don't get me wrong, I love MMA. Hell, I'm an assistant instructor at a club but it's like...it's a fundamentally different thing. And when so many people are doing it it just gets sort of stale. It's the “submission specialist” of 2014. But anyway, I dug the match. Obviously, I loved the pychology of this one. The rope break element was paid off at the end, the draw from last week was played up with that awesome “Not again!” call and LC comes out looking strong because he kind of got screwed out of his title. Great stuff.

I actually read “The Interview Show” before I read this proper so I was pretty eagerly anticipating this. I know that Jonny's probably telling the truth but man...wrist injury? Doctor's note? Sounds shifty to me. I laughed out loud at “Are you calling me out because I didn't cut a fucking promo?” What a fantastic little nod to the differences between how this thing works and how it looks on screen. This was solid, but it really could have used a stronger ending with that much tension.

So, The Iron Fist title match. I know my feedback's been basically useless tonight since I basically loved everything and this is no exception. Sorry. I have no constructive criticism. I just loved it. I've talked multiple times tonight about the commentators and I really loved them explaining Kincaid's desperation ESPECIALLY off the leg kicks. Leg kicks build up. The first few aren't that bad, but over time the muscle starts feeling miserable so you need to take time to let the pain wear down. But Kincaid's desperate for the win so he's not going to let that happen. And how perfect was the psychology there? Kincaid SHOOTs a double leg takedown so Laz starts throwing leg kicks. People think a double leg is basically a tackle but it isn't, you need your thighs to push back up so it's the perfect move to go too. Makes Corey look really smart. I LOVED the double stomp on the knee. Kincaid's got a crappy knee, Corey's a smart guy and baits him into a move that would absolutely devastate it. And that ending, oh man, that ending where both guys just lay bombs at each other. This as the perfect payoff to Kincaid's Iron Fist title quest. Than SO MUCH to the writer for this. Tim? It was Tim right? Whoever it was killed it.

Zex's backstage segment was short but it instantly made you cheer for Zex. Not easy to do against Maya. God, Mephisto's such a bastard.

HUGE Master of the Mat announcement! Possibly the most exciting thing to happen all night. I can't wait to see who shows up. For the record, I totally want in this year.

The first thing I really took from the main event was that really wild moonsault. The rope scale one? Awesome spot. That's the sort of thing you expect from Zex too, isn't it? It's creative. They were throwing bombs in this thing, just big brutal shots and ending with the biggest of all. An absolutely devastating double moonsault. Honestly, I was a little underwhelmed by the main event. That's probably because of my own personal things though. Seeing Tanev win the Rule of Surrender title and the Iron Fist win were the huge emotional climaxes of the show for me and it would have been hard for anything to follow those up. Still, a big win for Maya.

And then Hope died.

First thing: I would totally buy a deSPair shit. Awesome touch. The commentators are, as they've been all night, fantastic. “Not him, not now.” Just an amazing moment where Mephisto feels like the biggest bad guy in the world. Seriously, this was awesome. Just total crisis crossover stuff. Thanos. Necron. All sorts of big bad. This was great stuff. Fantastic closing line. Man, this is such exciting stuff. Me? I'm hoping for a big old six man tag with Zex, Maya and Entragian coming to SHOOT's defense. That'd be amazing.

GREAT show lads.

DrezzyF2T

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Revolution 123 Feedback
« Reply #7 on: May 30, 2014, 08:56:17 AM »
Nobody likes our dick jokes but us, Greg.

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Jonny

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Re: Revolution 123 Feedback
« Reply #8 on: May 30, 2014, 09:54:58 AM »
Well, well, wellllllllllllllll

It appears in our older ages, we may have finally figured out how to properly format these bi-weekly shows!  As a general note, the flow and length of everything is PERFECT.  Matches are getting a little character and pushing the ideas that need to be pushed without the RICKY STEAMBOAT TECHNICAL CLINICS that simply do not work in our environment.

I enjoyed the life in Crip VS Tanev and the pure grit of Kincaid and Laz.  BUUUUUT, I will say, I believe the titles were put on both these men a bit prematurely.  NOT that they don't deserve the honor OOC for their brilliant writing capabilites, but rather, the characters would have benefited from potential setbacks. 

If I can indulge myself with a bit of fantasy booking....

With Crip and Tanev, from a STORY PERSPECTIVE (I understand that if these are being dealt with competitively, it's just the nature of the beast, but I'm a story guy!) I think Tanev taking a defeat adds to his character and allows him to play up the "down on his luck, trying to make it off the streets" nature of his persona" quite a bit.  I believe he gets paid X amount of dollars for a victory (I read in a promo, right?) Anyway...  he takes a pretty tough loss to Crip, right?  Then maybe has a setback or lapse...  maybe gets into some shit after the show...  anyway, you have him get a ticket or jail or something of that nature for X number of dollars.  If he had WON, he could have possibly paid his way out (not to mention, a victory maybe puts him in a different mind set all together) but now maybe he's at the mercy of an old "street buddy" or something...  introduce new elements of his past (Obviously I don't write the character haha so I'm just inventing characters or ideas that might not even exist) and have his struggle between SHOOT/his old ways really amplify.  He could lose a couple more matches...  get down further...

Then maybe win a couple...  lose a few more...  get sorta stuck in a rut...  then maybe wins himself another title opportunity and THEN you pull the trigger and his title victory A) is better for his character and B ) better for the title because of how much work/struggle was put in to chase it.  Plus Rule of Surrender is about not giving up.. etc etc...  You get it.

As for Kincaid/Laz...  You do the DRAW ending.  You do the BEG FOR MORE TIME...  but the official denies the request.  "Rules are rules".  (which gives the DRAW ending a sense of legitimacy and not just a prop)  Kincaid isn't happy, but the two men shake hands.  Next week's card has Kincaid/Tanev as a duo vs Anarchy for the tag titles...  Neither men is necessarily used to working with others, but it's a title opportunity with hungry competitors.  Tanev eats the pin in that match, and Kincaid isn't happy with a record of 0-1-2 out of the gates.  He takes a week off to recoup, and on the next show, challenges Laz to a rematch at Revolution 126.

At that point, Kincaid goes over and would begin a pretty torid winning streak heading into MotM as a potential favorite to win.  (With the Iron Fist title, which has always sort of been the "US/IC title/2nd best" of SHOOT.

ANYWAY... haha that's just my take on what the better STORIES would be, but that does not at ALL diminish their accomplishments in both walking away as new champs.  You guys are incredible writers and I hope you both get yourselves into longer stories we YOUR UNDYING FANS can sink our teeth into!

- Maya and Isaac have a REALLY terrific chemistry/story going, and while I loved the hell out of their work again this week, I feel like the "Don't tell anyone" line was...  well, it was kind of weird...  because it was ON TV... I know they recorded it earlier, but it doesn't look like Jer used that at all in his latest Promo (Which doesn't necessarily mean anything.  Cameras all over the Epicenter and they can use anything they want...  so maybe he just ignores it and hopes it goes away?)  Anyway, great dynamic.  GREAT story, but maaaaybe just a little iffy on some of the technical aspects as it stands!

- I LOVE Stein and Laz together, and I even think this segment works as the first sort of "random" encounter between the two.  Dynamic is definitely in place and a story between the two characters would be offfff the charts.  BUUUUT, it was a little too "NO I GET TO SAY THE COOLER" thing meta story going on between the WRITERS and not necessarily the characters.  One of the things I started doing with segment writing, when you're "sharing the stage" is to let one person develop the idea/flow of a piece.  Example, I come up with an idea.  I pitch that idea to the person I want to work with and write the piece as I would see it happening.  THEN I send it over to the person I'm working with to edit dialogue/change character manerisms and actions, etc etc.  It keeps a sense of focus on the piece and makes sure all the participants are remaining impactful the entire time.

So for this piece, Stein bumps into Laz.  Keep the part about Stein not knowing who Laz is.  And trying to "figure out where he knows him".  However, I'd have Laz suddenly pat down his side and take out his cell phone.

Laz: (Holding a finger to Stein) Hello...  Oh.  Yeah.  Hey ROBERT DOWNEY JR

Laz makes sure to drop the name very loudly for Stein.

Stein: Dream on.

Laz holds a finger up, silencing Stein.

Laz: Uh huh...  Yeah.  Of course I have a minute.

He takes the phone away from his ear and whispers to Stein.

Laz: Hey.  Gotta run.  I hear the chicken burritos in catering are GREAT.

Stein is clearly irritated as Laz walks away.

Stein: HEY!  HEY! 

Stein is flustered.

Stein: That was NOT Robert Downey Jr.

Molly: It could have been Rober...

Stein: It was NOT Robert Downey Jr.

Molly nods and complies.

Molly: It was not Robert Downey Jr.

Stein also nods, feeling better now that he's been confirmed.

Stein: Chicken burrito DOES sound pretty good.  You wanna fetch me one from catering.  Thanks, doll.

Stein pats Molly on the ass, and she sighs, while he walks off.

Something of that nature.  It's short.  Simple.  Both characters shine at what they're known for and it works as both a ONE OFF segment and/OR the preface of what could be a radical story.  You eliminate a TON of unnecessary dialogue, which I think is the only real drawback of their work this week.

- Chaos: If there is deliberate purpose from the writer, this character is genius and has a lot of potential.  If the writer is "writing a crazy person", I fear Chaos will fall the way of Arion Catcher, Gutter Rat and world famous Jeremy persona Flint Cloud.

- MotM announcement was great, but EVEN MORE great is the open nature of it this year.  ALSO, how soon in advance it was announced.  Last year's MotM ran into some problems early with not necessarily being considered a "big deal"  But this year it's going to be GUARANTEED to be amazing if not for the sheer competitiveness that is sure to come out of it.  Great call on the tourney running that way and here's to it's IMPENDING SUCCESS!!

- **MAIN EVENT ANGLE** - The match went pretty much how I think it should have gone.  Both guys were EXCELLENT on the boards, but I don't think Zex did QUITE enough to necessarily dictate an upset.  (I think the World Championship should only ever change hands when an opponent is DEFINITIVELY outclassed in a competitive setting and that was simply not the case this week)

The post match happenings are VERY interesting to me.  I don't know, though, that it was executed as well as it could have been?  I love the people involved and it feels EXCEPTIONALLY fresh... (I loved the Mephisto/Maya feud before the hiatus) buuuut I feel like I may have missed something with the inclusion of Knight and Jerry Mathews.  No one seemed shocked that they were all together...  The pairing makes sense...  You have Heaven (Mathews), Hell (Knight), and Purgatory (The known aetheist Mephisto) under one banner which is actually BRILLIANT, but I maybe would have enjoyed a HINT of something on the Horizon?  (IF I missed it, please point me to where it was at and I'll eat my words no prrrooooblems)

I'm very excited for this group and for this story, but everyone involved will need to be conscious of their work and try and avoid the tropes of "EVIL SUPER GROUP".  Otherwise it might end up feeling like Project SCAR light.  SHOOT has seen it's share of villainous overlords...  How will this collective make its mark?

Pretty exciting stuff and glad to see brand new characters elevated into this spot.  I think it can be absolutely terrific given that we get A ) some backstory on how/why this happened and B ) the group is able to pull away from the villain pack and define itself as a fresh, powerful new threat.

This was another GREAT effort from everyone and I really like the new focus/direction of the people writing here.  Matches are finally starting to pop.  Characters and stories have never been more finely developed.  Goooood times.

8/10 if I were the type of person to rate on a 1-10 scale system.

But I'm not.

-Jeff

Matt

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Re: Revolution 123 Feedback
« Reply #9 on: May 30, 2014, 01:29:19 PM »
Because I'm still so new to today's version of the game, I'm going to decline to comment in detail. I still don't know enough to be helpful.  But a few folks had really good thoughts about KT that I thought were worth quickly commenting on.

Also, it's probably for the best that I'm on a bye this cycle, seeing how it's Craft Beer Week here in Vancouver starting today, so had I been RPing this time around things would have either have been really terrible or really "creative." 

To Kincaid's point, I completely agree with your point about MMA backgrounds not being the right fit for the world of e-wrestling.  And there will be gradual movement away from that as part of his in-ring context.  But giving him some BJJ was a pseudo credible way to get this apparent hobo into a wrestling ring and start to delve into the really important stuff - like how did his life end up this way and why is he so focused on getting paid? But you will definitely start to see him become more of a wrestler, both in the ring and periphery.  Little segments like the t-shirt piece are intended to gradually move him away from being some random dude who shows up at wrestling shows in his ratty gym clothes.

Jonny's stream of consciousness was awesome. Lots of great ideas in there, some of which not dissimilar with what I have mapped out in the KT storyline arc.  Admittedly I didn't contemplate the potential to have a belt on him this early on, so that's going to require me to go back to the planning process a bit and figure out the best way to move forward.  It opens up lots of good ways to proceed.  We'll see what happens next though to everyone's favourite homeless professional wrestler.

Brooks

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Re: Revolution 123 Feedback
« Reply #10 on: May 30, 2014, 04:28:16 PM »
It was another solid show.
Thanks for the compliments with Chaos. I'm enjoying being back in SP and trying something different with Chaos as opposed to the wholesome Alex Brooks .
Fave Things
-Kincaid/Laz
-Kale/LC
-The Assholeness of Riley, Quinn & Wailer.
-Stein & Laz
-Maya/Zac really has my interest piqued and I want to see where that goes.