June 28, 2017, 02:52:02 AM

Author Topic: Revolution 124 RP Feedback  (Read 933 times)

Trey

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Revolution 124 RP Feedback
« on: May 29, 2014, 09:08:55 PM »
I'll start this up here.

Great imagery as always, Jer.  I'm really pumped to see this side of Isaac.  Awesome way to start the rp cycle.







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Re: Revolution 124 RP Feedback
« Reply #1 on: June 03, 2014, 12:32:55 AM »
God, Jeff is good.







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Entragian

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Re: Revolution 124 RP Feedback
« Reply #2 on: June 03, 2014, 02:17:14 AM »
God, Jeff is good.

He sure is.

And I just read Trey's 1st...all I can say is that this is going to be a REALLY fun cycle. Trey and Isaac both have changed so much since SHOOT's last run and I love that. Seeing this side of Trey emerge is awesome...stoked to see the character find entirely new motives for pushing forward.






Jonny

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Re: Revolution 124 RP Feedback
« Reply #3 on: June 04, 2014, 04:17:37 PM »
FYI: Wailer's a fun little Hansen Team project.  Ed debuted his talents in the latest promo that's up.  He's very good :)

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Re: Revolution 124 RP Feedback
« Reply #4 on: June 04, 2014, 05:44:51 PM »
God, the hansens are good.







Support SHOOT Project by visiting our eWtorch database posting here:

"Will your buddy let you fuck a midget in his bed? If the answer is yes, then you know that dude is solid."
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Re: Revolution 124 RP Feedback
« Reply #5 on: June 04, 2014, 05:47:36 PM »
Wtb dan stein feedback







Support SHOOT Project by visiting our eWtorch database posting here:

"Will your buddy let you fuck a midget in his bed? If the answer is yes, then you know that dude is solid."
"Death is nothing, but to live defeated and inglorious is to die daily."

Napoleon Bonaparte

Brooks

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Re: Revolution 124 RP Feedback
« Reply #6 on: June 04, 2014, 06:21:51 PM »
Dan Stein is kicking my arse. That's what he is doing.

xiv

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Re: Revolution 124 RP Feedback
« Reply #7 on: June 04, 2014, 09:29:08 PM »
God, the hansens are good.

mmmm bop!

DrezzyF2T

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Revolution 124 RP Feedback
« Reply #8 on: June 06, 2014, 10:47:25 AM »
Riley CD promo has the best closing line so far this cycle.

*"Behind the Scenes" graphic by Sam Valentine
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Brooks

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Re: Revolution 124 RP Feedback
« Reply #9 on: June 09, 2014, 12:16:59 AM »
GPrime. Your second post. Fuck you in a good way.

weemutabi

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Re: Revolution 124 RP Feedback
« Reply #10 on: June 09, 2014, 05:28:04 PM »
Requesting feedback on my RP's for this cycle. I welcome your opinions, suggestions, etc. Thanks.
I'm tryin' to think but nothin' happens

DrezzyF2T

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Re: Revolution 124 RP Feedback
« Reply #11 on: June 09, 2014, 08:46:28 PM »
Your first was a solid introductory promo. It gives us O'Reilly's core mission, to prove he's still "got it," and emphasizes the important of his success in SHOOT Project. It gives us a taste but doesn't overstay its welcome, but I'd be lying if I didn't say that some more length and development would be appreciated. Instead of having O'Reilly talking and thinking to himself the entire time during the CD part, maybe show him struggling to do basic things (climb stairs, open jars, lift something heavy from the wrong angle, etc.) to really sell his age and injuries already having caught up to him, or even him having trouble with a morning work-out routine.

Your second was a good build-off from your first, but it feels a touch melodramatic given that neither O'Reilly nor Shane have really made their impact just yet. It came off more like an abridged supershow epic, if that makes sense, because the line "You're stepping into the ring with someone who has nothing to lose" just reeks of a big moment, the kind of line that movie trailers are centered around, but here it almost feels wasted because there isn't much on the line. The writing itself is solid and you've definitely improved leaps and bounds from what I saw of you just a few months ago (unless you're just so familiar with O'Reilly that the work flows naturally, in which case keep it the fuck up). A damn solid RP.

One thing I will say, though, and it's almost hypocritical of me because I'm guilty of breaking this rule too, is show, don't tell. Not everything needs to be spelled out letter-by-letter for it to get over if you sell it enough with description and subtlety.

I'm looking forward to seeing more of Shawn O'Reilly.

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Re: Revolution 124 RP Feedback
« Reply #12 on: June 10, 2014, 08:17:58 PM »
i think that drezzy pretty much hit the nail on the head for me, weems.







Support SHOOT Project by visiting our eWtorch database posting here:

"Will your buddy let you fuck a midget in his bed? If the answer is yes, then you know that dude is solid."
"Death is nothing, but to live defeated and inglorious is to die daily."

Napoleon Bonaparte