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Author Topic: Ten Second Nap  (Read 468 times)


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Ten Second Nap
« on: October 15, 2014, 05:57:42 PM »

The patients in the waiting room gape. Fear…starts to circulate. Panic is in the air and sweat is dripping from brows. Stuffed up children dig into the snot-encrusted recesses of their noses; mining for prize-winning boogers while watching the strange sight unfolding before them. It’s like a scene stripped directly from the zombie apocalypse.

All eyes are locked on the man in the yellow hazmat suit.

The visor of his suit is fogged up, adding an element of mystery to his appearance. There’s a heavy piece of metal draped across his shoulder and it appears to have been carefully and lovingly encased in a drapery of bubble wrap.

Upon closer inspection, it appears to be the bubble-wrapped Iron Fist Championship.

There’s a frightened young woman being herded in front of the man in the yellow hazmat suit. She is blonde, big-breasted…and obviously frazzled by this whole situation. A yellow gloved hand reaches outward to push her in the small of the back, causing her to stumble forward a few steps. Two other females flank the man, the brunette and redhead wearing homemade trash bag dresses and surgical masks.

The man in the yellow hazmat suit finally succeeds in pushing his blonde captive within inches of the Emergency Room’s intake station.

The nurse, an older black woman with large glasses, can only stare in disbelief.

The man leans forward and swipes a gloved hand across his visor, eliminating some of the fog. We’re greeted by the scowling face of….

Billy Winter.

Winter: Nurse…I’m here to report some serious shit. This woman here, who is not my girlfriend, but just a woman I occasionally have sex with…has been contaminated. I FEAR, nurse…that she is reaching the final stage.

Nurse: …

Winter’s voice issues out once again, sounding honky and constrained behind the mask.

Winter: Did you HEAR what I did just said? She’s about to TURN, for fuck’s sake!

Nurse: Sir…I think you’d better start at the beginning.

Winter sighs.

Winter: We’re losing precious time…but okay. Soooo…earlier today we were at my loft, ya dig? I was engaging in a passionate foursome with all the women you see accompanying me here today, and in the midst of our love-making…I made a hideous discovery. I was being delicately rimmed by Strawberry Pussy (Billy gestures to the redhead in the garbage bag dress) while simultaneously thrusting missionary-style into PATIENT ZERO here (he points hatefully at the blonde) when I noticed SOMETHING…on her upper lip.

Winter’s voice takes on a menacing tone.

Winter: Something that froze my blood cold and made my cock wilt like a dying petunia in the cold heart of winter!! I knelt closer to her…I got within a mere CENTIMETER of her lip…and the lesion stared back at me, seeming almost to mock me…

Winter STABS a finger at the lip of his valet Perky Tits…where we can see a tiny, barely noticeable red spot there.


The nurse leans forward, inspecting the tiny lesion Billy is pointing at.

Winter lowers his voice to a conspirator’s whisper…making sure to cup a gloved hand around his mouth.

Winter: Ebola. This bitch…has got the GOD DAMN EBOLA!!!

Billy’s attempt at being discreet fails miserably when his voices reaches a frantic, rage-fueled ROAR…and literally ALL of the people in the waiting room start to leap up out of their seats and run for the door!

Winter: So…she needs to be “taken care of” before this thing gets worse. If she turns in a HOSPITAL…imagine the epidemic that’s gonna cause? She’s already got her fuckin’ ebola germs ALL OVER my Iron Fist Championship. I’ll not have her eating the brains of the only two HEALTHY lovers I have left either!

The nurse remains completely silent for a very long time.

Nurse: Alright, sir…#1? I think you’re terribly misinformed about what Ebola does to a person. They do not “turn” as you keep insisting…they do not eat brains…

Billy waves a hand in a dismissive gesture.

Winter: Whatever, I’m no expert. Can you just…treat her please? I can walk her back to the incinerator myself if you’re too busy…or will a blow to the head do the job? I’m not afraid to go FULL ON CAROL on this dirty little monster if the situation calls for it!!

Perky Tits screams in protest…her eyes like saucers.

Perky Tits: BILLY!!! PLEASE…

Nurse: #2…this woman doesn’t have Ebola.

A lengthy pause.

Nurse: That’s a cold sore.

Billy says nothing.

Nurse: Almost everyone gets them…they’re harmless…they go away in a few days…

Winter: So…you’re implying…that I’m at no risk of being infected with the virus by being in contact with her?

Nurse: Since she doesn’t have the virus…I’d say you’ll be fine.

Winter: Well riddle me this…I had an awkward encounter with a hobo champion at my place of work last week. He breathed on me and bumped me on the shoulder. There were worrying stains on his basketball shorts and the distinct smell of RAT SHIT wafting off of his breath…is it possible he infected me with syphilis?

Nurse: I…don’t even know how to answer that…

Winter: Since I’m here…could I get some syphilis pills anyway? Just a precautionary measure, ya know…

We fade on Winter smoothing out the bubble-wrap on his Iron Fist Championship.


Sup man?

Rough week, huh? I feel you. We all have them sometimes! Just remember…you got pretty damn far in Master of the Mat. You gave the tournament a true WAYWARD SON effort! It just went…a little too wayward for ya. Think you were leaning to the left or something. Maybe that shot you took to the nose gave you vertigo.

Personally? I’d hate to even be in the RING with that hideous freak of nature Entragian…send that misfit to a casting of American Horror Story and leave the wrestling to guys like us, right? I’ll give you all the credit in the world…you fought pretty hard, man.

Now…I could see how this turn of events might make you even BITTER…RER than you were before. Probably pissed you off a bit. Maybe drowning your sorrows in the bottle or the beef flaps, depending on what you’re into…

Sooooo…I’m not even gonna try to get all competitive with you here. Let’s face facts…you’re not in this for the Iron Fist Championship. This isn’t the division you’re trying to break into. You wanted the BIG PRIZE…and hell, I’m sure you still do…right?

I’m totally gonna do you a solid…

Just come down the ring, show me some chin…I’ll give you a quick shot….like a friendly FIST KISS or something…and you just fall down for me.

I’d appreciate it if you made it really dramatic and stuff, possibly try to fall in slow motion if you can do that…and just lay there for like….TEN SECONDS or so, okay? Just lay there and rest up. Get comfy…forget about how STRESSFUL this damn business can get sometimes. Do some chilling like this year’s breakout villain…put your feet up…I’ll even bring a BRAND NEW memory foam mattress down to the ring and you can fall down on that if you want…

And the bell will ring; we’ll get all this hand raising shit out of the way…and after that?

I’m taking you out on the town.

I’m treating you to some of the best liquor and pussy this fine city has to OFFER.

I mean…if the Wayward Son has lost his way…might as well delve a little deeper into the rabbit hole, right? It’s FUN down here! No rules, no regulations…who the fuck needs morals in 2014, dude!

Just a ten second nap…

Followed by an all night party.

Sound like a plan?