August 21, 2019, 07:19:58 PM

Author Topic: Fun Parenting Stories  (Read 1603 times)

The Gunslingers

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Fun Parenting Stories
« on: February 10, 2012, 11:28:59 PM »
So today I changed my first poopy diaper. Don't ask me how i have an 8 year old brother and numerous cousins etc and never had to change a poopy diaper. Ive gotten lucky in the past all Xanders diapers have just been pee diapers when it was my turn to change him. It wasn't too bad and didn't get poo all over the place this time anyway.

Entragian

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Re: Poop!
« Reply #1 on: February 11, 2012, 03:12:00 AM »
This thread is kinda shitty...

JK!

I'm proud of you, Kidd.  ;D






TheLegacy

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Re: Poop!
« Reply #2 on: February 11, 2012, 02:56:58 PM »
A month from now, it won't phase you at all :)


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Tanya Black

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Re: Poop!
« Reply #3 on: February 11, 2012, 03:44:45 PM »
Congratulations. You are a man now. Nothing can scare you.

Lucy Blaylock

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Re: Poop!
« Reply #4 on: February 11, 2012, 05:21:40 PM »
Am I the only one thinking that this is where all poop related posts should go?

Or tips on improving the health of your colon?

Red River Jack

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Re: Poop!
« Reply #5 on: February 11, 2012, 09:33:54 PM »
Am I the only one thinking that this is where all poop related posts should go?

Or tips on improving the health of your colon?

Try Align Daily Probiotic as a supplement if you have stomach or bowel issues. Your stomach could be lacking the proper bacterial diversity. The more overweight one is, the less bacterial diversity one has in one's stomach, and that's not good.
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Lucy Blaylock

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Re: Poop!
« Reply #6 on: February 11, 2012, 10:26:06 PM »
I just finished taking a crap.

BTW, why is it called "Taking" a crap, when you aren't taking, you're leaving?

Where you gonna take it? To the movies?

Tanya Black

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Re: Poop!
« Reply #7 on: February 11, 2012, 10:34:08 PM »
I just finished taking a crap.

BTW, why is it called "Taking" a crap, when you aren't taking, you're leaving?

Where you gonna take it? To the movies?

You are taking the crap away from your body.

Lucy Blaylock

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Re: Poop!
« Reply #8 on: February 14, 2012, 06:58:17 AM »
UPDATE: I have gone the last three days with taking a crap each day. So far, I am on the path to regularity. Wish me luck, ya'll!

DrezzyF2T

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Re: Poop!
« Reply #9 on: February 14, 2012, 07:32:09 AM »
-Go away for the weekend
-Remember that you rarely poop in new places, especially when it's the house of a chick you're sleeping with
-Get home early Sunday evening
-SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIT YOUR BRAINS OUT
-Go watch some TV
-A few hours later...SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIT YOUR BRAINS OUT
-Sleep
-Work
-SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT
-Home
-Internet and XBox (since both are serious business)
-Get ready for bed
-Ruh-roh...
-SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT

Every ounce of fecal matter from Friday afternoon to early Sunday evening was collected into two massive piles in my lower intestine, pushed out at odd intervals until last night just before bed.

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Red River Jack

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Re: Poop!
« Reply #10 on: February 14, 2012, 10:30:09 AM »
Not being able to shit somewhere new is the worst.
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TheLegacy

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Re: Poop!
« Reply #11 on: February 14, 2012, 10:37:15 AM »
the psychology of defecation is an interesting thing


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DrezzyF2T

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Re: Poop!
« Reply #12 on: February 14, 2012, 11:02:30 AM »
You have to feel comfortable and safe. Also, I don't want to offend my friend whose house I was at for the weekend, so I'm not going to drop a deuce. It actually took me until my senior year of high school to drop trou in a public restroom, let alone in unfamiliar territory.

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xiv

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Re: Poop!
« Reply #13 on: February 14, 2012, 11:21:32 AM »
Ive never had that issue... Yes i'd worry if i was at a girls house, but i wouldnt hold it or put it off. Always been very regular, and now with the UC i won't and CAN'T be discerning in locales. Go time is go time.

Red River Jack

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Re: Poop!
« Reply #14 on: February 14, 2012, 11:46:15 AM »
For me its not an issue of me purposely holding off. Its basically some subconscious reaction of my body because I don't feel comfortable shitting somewhere. But if I really have to take a shit I'm going to take a shit and not prairie dog it in my pants or something.

Very public bathrooms, like in malls, are the worst. But sometimes you just have to go.

Semi-public restrooms, like say, in a building at a university, are usually fine. You just find one on any floor but the 1st floor. The more hidden the location, the better (and usually the cleaner). Then you can just take a shit in semi-private without a lot of people coming in and tugging on the doors even though its clearly occupied, etc.
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Tanya Black

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Re: Poop!
« Reply #15 on: February 14, 2012, 01:01:14 PM »
I don't care. Poop Time is Poop Time. Everybody Poops. Except John Cena, his ass makes Fruity Pebbles.

Entragian

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Re: Poop!
« Reply #16 on: February 14, 2012, 01:09:48 PM »
Oh man...you guys are missing out!

I remember when I was 20 years old I was over at my girlfriends place at the time(she was living in a student hotel) and we were having sex, particularly good sex, but after we finished and I lie down on my side of the bed, I realized I had take a monster shit. It was probably due to this massive Wendy's chicken sandwich I had eaten earlier. So I excuse myself to the bathroom and literally give birth to a basketball sized chocolate mud baby.

You know what the moral of this story is?

There is nothing more satisfying in a man's life than having good sex and then immediately afterwards taking a good shit. You feel cleansed mind, body, and soul!  ;)






Lucy Blaylock

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Re: Poop!
« Reply #17 on: February 14, 2012, 02:10:39 PM »
-Go away for the weekend
-Remember that you rarely poop in new places, especially when it's the house of a chick you're sleeping with
-Get home early Sunday evening
-SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIT YOUR BRAINS OUT
-Go watch some TV
-A few hours later...SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIT YOUR BRAINS OUT
-Sleep
-Work
-SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT
-Home
-Internet and XBox (since both are serious business)
-Get ready for bed
-Ruh-roh...
-SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT

Every ounce of fecal matter from Friday afternoon to early Sunday evening was collected into two massive piles in my lower intestine, pushed out at odd intervals until last night just before bed.

This list would have been funnier if you added "LIKE A BOSS" to the end of each item

DrezzyF2T

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Re: Poop!
« Reply #18 on: February 17, 2012, 06:31:51 AM »
No it wouldn't have. "Like a Boss" is one of the more overexposed Lonely Island/Digital Shorts tunes and one of the more annoying memes besides "umadbro?" and that ilk. Hell, "Like a Boss" is only funny because of the horribly ridiculous things he lists off doing every day towards the end, including cutting his own dick off (like a boss) and meeting a merman (like a boss) and fucking it (like a boss).

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The Gunslingers

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Re: Random parent stuff
« Reply #19 on: April 03, 2012, 08:12:58 PM »
so yesterday i learned the lesson that if you plan to  play superbaby shortly after the baby ate make sure you keep your mouth shut. Nothing quite like tasting apple cinamon flavored spit up

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Re: Random parent stuff
« Reply #20 on: April 03, 2012, 09:33:33 PM »
okay... I gagged a little when I read that.  I've been puked on numerous times (hazard of teaching swim lessons to 2-4 year olds) - but in the mouth... yeah... 

Red River Jack

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Re: Random parent stuff
« Reply #21 on: April 03, 2012, 10:25:52 PM »
Reverse mama-bird action
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The Gunslingers

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Re: Fun Parenting Stories
« Reply #22 on: April 05, 2012, 09:20:00 PM »
So I was dying Easter Eggs with my little brother who is 9 and my girlfriend and the baby were over so I figure I'd help Xander dye his first easter egg. He ended up grabbing the cup of orange dye and before i could stop him next thing i know it spilled on the counter and his legs. I cleaned up what i could but it still got on his legs. His mom wasn't too thrilled about having a baby with orange legs.

DrezzyF2T

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Re: Fun Parenting Stories
« Reply #23 on: April 05, 2012, 10:36:14 PM »
Just tell her that he's contracted Hoganitis, BROTHER.

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xiv

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Re: Fun Parenting Stories
« Reply #24 on: April 05, 2012, 11:37:16 PM »
"Oompa... Loompa... doopideedoo... I've got another story for you!

What do you get when your baby dyes eggs?

Do you think some will spill on his legs?

No matter what, this is NO tragedy...

Because the tike will look like... ME!"