April 23, 2019, 12:16:32 PM

Author Topic: Let me practice some jokes for you  (Read 234 times)

DrezzyF2T

  • SHOOT Project Soldiers
  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 3422
  • Life. Deal. Rock.
    • View Profile
Let me practice some jokes for you
« on: April 11, 2012, 06:03:36 AM »
My friend Joey's bachelor party is this Saturday night and his wedding the week after. He doesn't drink, smoke, or do drugs (sXe but not admittedly so), and he's also one of the overall funniest guys I've ever met in my life, so we're roasting him for his bacherlor party instead of hitting bars and strip clubs. The roasters are myself and our friends Tute, Talita, Kristen (Joey's fiance and SURPRISE roaster), and Scott, with our friend Matt (Joey's best friend for years) being the Roastmaster.

Here is what I have thus far for jokes.

Matt (his wife is an adorable freckled black girl whose hair looks like a fucking anime character)
Quote
I sometimes have to question your judgement, Matt. Not only did you pick the cutest Asperger's kid in the class to be friends with, but your diet of brown sugar and Ewok fur seems to be letting you down.

Tute (Asian girl, butt of many jokes, and somebody I have an odd amount of heart-to-heart conversations with)
Quote
You've definitely gotten it the worst tonight. In fact, I haven't seen an Asian girl get burned so bad since we started dropping napalm on you bastards.

Talita (Brazilian girl, great friend of mine for years, and source of constant mockery)
Quote
Okay, who let the maid join us tonight? Seriously, Consuela, my kitchen is filthy. Keep up with the shitty job and I won't get you one of these (hold up a green card).
(and mix-n-match Brazilian, Guatemalan, Cuban, Mexican, etc. jokes, with some shemale and illegal immigration jokes for flavor)

Joey (mid-30's, thinks like a teenager, nice guy, and can take a joke better than anybody I've met)
Quote
You marrying a Special Education teacher is great. Not just because you, yourself, need a helmet, but also because those little retards are so much easier to get into the back of a van. Oh, I'm sorry, you drive a Volkswagen. Faggot.

Joey, you are the only person who can make a Polish girl feel smarter by comparison.

Obviously, these will likely be funnier with some degree of intoxication (from various substances) and if you knew the people. I'm just tossing these out here because I am fucking nervous as shit and have no material heading in and the whole roast was my idea.

*"Behind the Scenes" graphic by Sam Valentine
*Corey Lazarus banner by Ben Duke

B

  • Bend the Knee
  • The Brass
  • Newbie
  • *****
  • Posts: 11144
    • View Profile
Re: Let me practice some jokes for you
« Reply #1 on: April 11, 2012, 02:22:30 PM »
The only one I didn't like was the special education crack.  Not for morals or shit like that, it just felt like too much of a stretch.  The rest worked like a charm.






xiv

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 15637
  • B once fired a guy for me.
    • View Profile
Re: Let me practice some jokes for you
« Reply #2 on: April 11, 2012, 02:32:50 PM »
Love this for a bachelor party.  Got shouted down when I proposed it for one of my best friends from college.  Will there be any coordination for jokes?  Meaning will you talk with the roasters to see about doubling up?  

anyway...

1st joke I don't get.  Now that might kill cuz it seems like it could hold some inside stuff.  Unless the brown sugar and ewok hair references were both references to his wife.  

2nd joke got me to lol...  

3rd is an easy target.  

4th is a GREAT premise.  You can have TONS of fun with the guy marrying a special Ed. Teacher.  I'd lean more towards telling jokes about them meeting in class and maybe we need to contact the state about inappropriate touching/relationship between Teacher/Student, and then have a doll and ask him "Show me on the doll where she touched you".  (make sure the doll is wearing a helmet)


DrezzyF2T

  • SHOOT Project Soldiers
  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 3422
  • Life. Deal. Rock.
    • View Profile
Re: Let me practice some jokes for you
« Reply #3 on: April 11, 2012, 02:42:19 PM »
1st joke I don't get.  Now that might kill cuz it seems like it could hold some inside stuff.  Unless the brown sugar and ewok hair references were both references to his wife. 
Yeah, it's a joke about his wife. Joey's making a crack about Matt getting pegged by Buckwheat and Morgan Freeman jokes (since she's lighter-skinned black and has freckles) will be a-plenty. The Buckwheat joke is about her hair, too, which, like I said, makes her look like an anime character.

As for Talita, the Brazilian, my friend Tony (who helped me devise the napalm and pedophile jokes) recommends I call her Snooki. I'll also likely point out how absorbent her hair is and how difficult it must be to amass a million dollar shoe collection (SPOILER ALERT: she's a woman who buys lots of shoes) when her feet are size 17 EEE.

*"Behind the Scenes" graphic by Sam Valentine
*Corey Lazarus banner by Ben Duke

DrezzyF2T

  • SHOOT Project Soldiers
  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 3422
  • Life. Deal. Rock.
    • View Profile
Re: Let me practice some jokes for you
« Reply #4 on: April 14, 2012, 10:41:00 PM »
The napalm line murdered, but the MVP was my friend Tute who held NOTHING back. Holy shit, I almost wanted to punch her a few times.

All in all? Fantastic night. Joey videotaped it all and has the next two weeks off of work, so he'll have it uploaded to something (likely Facebook). Most of the jokes are inside jokes, though, so I probably won't upload any to YouTube.

*"Behind the Scenes" graphic by Sam Valentine
*Corey Lazarus banner by Ben Duke

B

  • Bend the Knee
  • The Brass
  • Newbie
  • *****
  • Posts: 11144
    • View Profile
Re: Let me practice some jokes for you
« Reply #5 on: April 17, 2012, 04:14:48 PM »
All this build up and no video pay off?

God, I haven't been this let down by Drezzy since Frontline II TURBO.

*cue family guy flashback*






DrezzyF2T

  • SHOOT Project Soldiers
  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 3422
  • Life. Deal. Rock.
    • View Profile
Re: Let me practice some jokes for you
« Reply #6 on: April 17, 2012, 09:37:04 PM »
The video was taken and I'm waiting on Joey to edit it all together. Tute actually ripped EVERYBODY apart, just complete verbal evisceration, and was easily the MVP of the night.

*"Behind the Scenes" graphic by Sam Valentine
*Corey Lazarus banner by Ben Duke