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Author Topic: Revolution 116 & Dominion 12 RP Feedback  (Read 541 times)

B

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Revolution 116 & Dominion 12 RP Feedback
« on: August 11, 2013, 11:02:29 PM »
Let's show some love for some folks who are busting their asses on the boards, shall we?






Mirage

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Re: Revolution 116 & Dominion 12 RP Feedback
« Reply #1 on: August 13, 2013, 07:43:11 AM »
Dominion RP Feedback

Maya Nakashima - Earned

I loved the opening "thought process" which not only recapped what's been going on with Maya concerning the SHOOT title scene, but how Maya himself feels about his involvement.  There was genuine conflict in that Maya is happy for what he's been getting, but he's unhappy because he wants to feel that he deserves it.

The emotionally charged conversation between Maya and Kenji was excellent.  You could again feel the conflict in Kenji as Maya bravely told him what he needed to hear.  I love the groundwork this is laying in that Kenji has become something he never set out to be.  IMO, he's become exactly what he initially set out to fight against.

I loved how Maya opened up on Laura Seton, calling her out in a way I could only call scathing.  This is what a fantastic verbal attack is made of, while saying how talented Laura is, he, at the same time, rips her to shreds because of the way she's been acting/performing.  Maya wants Laura to drop the act and fight.  It's pretty clear that Maya is done playing games and wants to make his mark on SHOOT.

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I'll get to more later.  I've had a lot of fun this week going up against Cronos.


Mirage

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Re: Revolution 116 & Dominion 12 RP Feedback
« Reply #2 on: August 14, 2013, 06:46:47 PM »
Rebellion - Jacob Mephisto

I love Mephistos twisted logic in that he believes everything about King is fake, a facade.  The only part of this that's a bit confusing is I can't tell if it's narration, self-thought, storytelling...or a combination of all three.  There is one point where he writes, "I digress. While Donovan King is not the champion…", but later writes, "Now, Jacob Mephisto asks you, is that the reign of a true champion? Jacob Mephisto does not think so.", again, emphasis mine.

Though a small nitpick, it jumped from 1st person to 3rd person and had me momentarily confused as to how I was supposed to perceive the words, be they narration, self-thought, etc.  That said, it was still well written.

Overall, this was great work, though I will admit I got a LOT more interested when Mephisto finally started to speak, but mostly because of two consecutive storytelling sections, though in this instance, I understand it was about laying the groundwork for the things he was going to say. I will say I loved how much emphasis he put on SHOOT champions and the history of SHOOT, etc.  He built the match and the importance of the match well, which is one of the greatest things a person can do with their RPs.

I'll go on this soapbox rant about this...again, and anyone bothering to read that doesn't like it...too bad.  Ignoring your opponents accomplishments, taking them out of context (a work vs a competition), or undermining them by dismissing how unimportant everything your opponent has done, or is, will do nothing but make them look weaker, which, in turn will make your win (if you win) look weaker.

CadeSydal

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Re: Revolution 116 & Dominion 12 RP Feedback
« Reply #3 on: August 18, 2013, 02:13:47 PM »
And should you lose, it makes you look even worse.