Revolution 185
Riot Patrol Vs. Lux Aeterna
"The Climb" Ain't Just a Miley Cyrus Song
Abigail Chase: Eryk, I am here with none other than the tag team champions after ANOTHER successful defense of their titles.
The camera zooms out to find an exhausted-looking Ayumi Seppuku and a winded Lindsay Troy as the two adjust the tag belts over their shoulders.
Abigail Chase: Ayumi, how are you holding up? You looked a bit confused out there at times – did …
Ayumi Seppuku: I’m fine, Abbey. I just… a lot has happened these last few weeks.
Lindsay puts a hand on her partner’s shoulder.
Abigail Chase: Hard to argue with that statement. After all, we all saw what happened last night at Ruination with the Carolina Lions.
Lindsay scoffs and shakes her head.
Lindsay Troy: Yeah, we ALL saw what the Lyin’ Lions are truly made of last night. A couple of angry kids with balls bigger than their brains. They couldn’t handle Ayumi and I beating them after they ran their mouths about “being the saviors” of a division they knew about for all of six months. Isaiah came to us with what I thought were good intentions, and I ignored my gut and took him at his word. Should’ve realized duping Donovan King wasn’t gonna be good enough for them.
Abigail Chase: Well, they have proven to be-
Ayumi Seppuku: BITCHES.
Abigail and Lindsay both turn in shock to the normally reserved Ayumi who is fuming, her hair matted to her forehead and over her eyes as she holds a hand up to the side of her face that got busted open the night before.
Ayumi Seppuku: Isaiah, Luis, and whoever that Mortal Kombat palette swap named El Paria is supposed to be are nothing but whiny bitches who are pissed off they’ve gotten their shit kicked in by two 40-year-old women.
Lindsay Troy: Ayumi-
Ayumi holds up a hand to cut Lindsay off.
Ayumi Seppuku: No. Fuck it. You know what? I’m DONE. I’m fucking DONE with this bullshit. Carolina Lions want to be embarrassed again? Fine. Let’s make it official with a match at Reckoning Day!
Abigail Chase leans in, excited.
Ayumi Seppuku: But this is going to be it. A TRUE put up or shut up match because this won’t be just any ordinary title defense. No… no no… these two shits think they deserve to be at the top? They’re going to have to climb ALLLLLLLL the way up the ladder if they want to grab a hold of these belts.
Lindsay smirks as Abigail looks on, slightly confused.
Abigail Chase: So what you’re saying is…
Lindsay Troy grabs Abigail Chase’s shoulders and looks her in the eye.
Lindsay Troy: A ladder match, Abs. Lux Aeterna and Carolina Lions in a LADDER MATCH for the tag team titles at Reckoning Day. Assuming of course…. they’re up to the challenge.
Abigail’s eyes widen.
Lindsay Troy: Now, if you’ll excuse us, we need a damned shower.
Abigail steps back instinctively as Ayumi nods over to Lindsay and Lindsay nods back to Ayumi before exiting out of the camera frame. Once they leave, the reporter steps back into her shot and takes a deep breath.
Abigail Chase: Well. There you have it, Eryk. We’ve got a freakin’ ladder match happening at Reckoning Day! Back to you!
Tommy Knuckles/Butch Maudlin Vs. Zoomer Love
Time to Feel the Heat(tm)
The lights go down in Madison Square Garden before the arena, concourse, and even the parking lot is awash with green as the following image appears on every screen in the building.
Eryk Masters: Oh no.
The screen fades to black and then suddenly, a cheap plastic Jack-o-Lantern appears – its insides flickering on the left-hand side of the screen.
Sharp piano keys play a horrible rendition of John Carpenter’s “Halloween” theme before words appear in legally distinct font off to the right:
A BLAZE CLAYMORE PRODUCTION
WRITTEN AND DIRECTED BY BLAZE CLAYMORE
EDITED BY BLAZE CLAYMORE
STARRING…
BLAZE CLAYMORE
X-CHADLIBUR
MY COUSIN NATHAN
THAT ONE GUY
TITLE-IX OBLIGATION
AND INTRODUCING…
SPARKS THE CAT
With the final names fading into each other, and then into darkness, the Jack-o-Lantern on the left gets smashed with a hammer for some reason and we smash cut to a woman walking down a New York street as fall leaves swirl around.
The unknown woman looks confused as she mouths words that look like “What’s my line?”
A much-too-fancy tracking shot moves from behind her, down an alleyway to reveal two men standing absolutely still in what look to be jumpsuits of some kind and each of them have…
Other Guy: Holy shit! Are those vintage Instant Heat masks?
Eryk Masters: You’ve got to be joking me.
We cut back to the woman looking around – still confused and looking for her cue as he finally throws her arms up and goes to turn away when an orange tabby cat shrieks and runs across her feet, causing the woman to scream and throw her hands up.
Other Guy: SPARKS!
Eryk Masters: How do you… nevermind.
As the camera pans back up we see the two figures in Real Deal and OutKast masks standing behind the woman, appearing over each of her shoulders.
“Real Deal”: TIME TO FEEL THE HEAT
“OutKast”: THE INSTANT HEAT
Eryk Masters: ….
The woman turns around and screams at the visages as they begin to descend upon her. When, suddenly, you hear a voice from off camera.
NOT SO FAST!
The camera spins around to find Blaze Claymore and X-Chadlibur standing, arms on waist, at the other end of the sidewalk.
X-Chadlibur: YOU’VE JUST BEEN DELAYED. PERMANENTLY.
Eryk Masters: That’s not… What? OG ARE YOU EATING POPCORN?!
Other Guy: Come on, Eryk, it’s Halloween. Enjoy the scary movie.
Eryk Masters: What’s scary is they gave these two doofuses a camera and actors.
As Blaze and Chad appear, “Instant Heat” grab the woman around the neck and arms, holding her hostage.
Blaze Claymore: YOU FIENDS!
“Real Deal”: This is what you get for crossing DEEP SHOOT!
“OutKast”: You should have stayed QUIET. Now… you’ll all FEEL THE HEAT.
The four men and a little lady are locked in a standoff, the camera doing quick cut closeups on all their eyes like a Sergio Leone western and then, after a couple more quick cuts, we lock in on the eyes of…
Other Guy: SPARKS!
A horrible yowl sound cuts through the speakers as we see X-Chadlibur running full speed at “Instant Heat” with Sparks the Cat in his arms before he just HEAVES the feline directly at the captured woman.
The woman shrieks and “Instant Heat” recoil, giving Chad enough time to swoop in and bop them each on the head with his fists, causing them to collapse to the ground in a pratfall.
X-Chadlibur stands proudly over the defeated villains as the woman is crying from all the scratch marks caused by the cat. Meanwhile, Blaze Claymore walks up and extends a hand to the young woman.
Blaze Claymore: Don’t worry, mam, Deep SHOOT can’t hurt you anymore. Boogey men may be the Real Deal, but we’re here to make sure they stay Outkasts.
Woman: What the HELL are you talking about!? This is not worth the $50 Starbucks gift card you gave me! I’m DONE!
The woman stands up in a huff, wiping her eyes as she runs off leaving a confused-looking Blaze Claymore and X-Chadlibur standing over their recently “defeated” enemies. The camera dollies in to get a look at both members of Delayed Heat as they nod knowingly to each other.
As the music swells Sparks the Cat “jumps” back into X-Chadlibur’s arms from off screen and begins thrashing around trying to claw at him before the screen cuts to black.
Fin.
The audience and everyone within distance of that display is left gobsmacked, including the faces of our announcers.
Eryk Masters: I have … no words.
Other Guy, meanwhile, wipes a tear from his eye.
Other Guy: I know…. I love Sparks so much too.
Daiichi Vs. Power Devil
You are the Gate!
Where we are it is dark. And though we cannot gather much visually, the noises, the echoes, the slight sloshing–it is dank. Wet. Subterranean.
Finally, a flame illuminates three figures.
One, Superbeast, emotionless in his black mask.
Another, Power Devil. His eyes calm fury.
The last: The Haruspex, hidden by his hood of sackcloth, his body wrapped in ragged shreds.
The match, long stem, is moved to a series of candles–all of which are held to a large boulder by what appears to be years worth of dripping wax. Once he has lit them all, he slowly shakes his gray claw of a hand and points a talon at the camera.
the haruspex: Daiichi…Keiji…you have proven to my Lords that you are true warriors. A true rarity. For in this division of charlatans, brigands, and pretenders to thrones that they have not earned…that is not something that is found often. And though you have won…you have merely proven to us something that we had long suspected.
He holds up one finger, the long nail and most of the tip blackened.
the haruspex: You are two fierce warriors who have aligned. But you are not a team. Not like the Kings of Hell itself. The Demons who scourge Cyber Roppongi and who have been the living nightmare of every corpse in this company can wear one crown, unified in purpose, unified in desire, unified in the raising their arms as brothers coated in the steaming lifesblood of those who would dare cross their paths! Oh the stars and the insides of beasts foretold this moment!!
His hands both raise up, shaking, not as an affectation, but as if the truth of what he is rasping is causing his entire frame to shiver. When he speaks again his voice is an even more hoarse croak, dripping with the quivering tone of a religious adherent who is viewing the Host.
the haruspex: It was prophesied! My Lords would cross blades alone and falter–only to rejoin and conquer the greatest warriors that could be presented to them! They said that while SAIGO did not hold the throne, they were the greatest hurdle!! Pretender kings can be disposed of so easily, and as I drew the blood across a stump, it was all revealed!! Defeat SAIGO…and then raid the very castles that the usurpers cower in!! Defeat SAIGO and you will stomp on a road paved with the skulls of the others! You will build your towers with their very sorrow as your foundation, but you cannot travel the path!! Not without them, together doing what they can to halt the unyielding march of the Unholy Cyber Army!! SAIGO!!
He bows over, almost sobbing, his voice turning into a hoarse scream.
the haruspex: Face my Lords as a tandem!! You are the Gate!! You are the Gate!!
With this last exasperated proclamation, he slumps to his knees, doing an approximation of breathing heavily. Clutching his ribs, he makes no more speech. We have only the sounds of the wicks burning and the occasional drip of water. Finally, both Superbeast and Power Devil step forward. As they become more illuminated by the candles, we can see the flames reflected in their eyes. What follows is not a scream or a wail. It is not the excitable howling of two barbarians. It is a simple proclamation, from two men with voices like gigantic war drums. It is also the first time we have heard them speak in months.
Superbeast: Cower.
Power Devil: Suffer.
Unison: Witness.
With that, the screen slowly fades until the last thing we can make out are the flames. Then, black.
Void Vs. Buck Dresden (c)
As Buck stumbles towards the ropes, belt in hand, there is a commotion from the audience on the opposite side. Through a scrum of people, the camera catches Nate Robideau jumping the guardrail, roughly pulling away from the grasping hands of fans who would like nothing more than to stop him. He calmly strides to the ring and rolls in, his eyes bright, his smile easy. It would be infectious, if anyone thought for a second that his intentions weren’t violent.
Eryk Masters: I don’t like this at all…
Other Guy: They’re buddies! He’s congratulating his buddy!
Eryk Masters: You’ll not hear me say this often OG, but you aren’t that stupid.
Nate Gets to his feet and walks towards the center of the ring. Buck, noticing him, shakily stiffens his back and shoulders his title belt, and begins slowly working his way to meet the Blackhawk. The crowd is electric as they draw near to one another, everyone anticipating a beatdown, a pure chaotic bloodbath. But instead Nate…offers his hand. A legitimate handshake. Buck looks at this, then to him, thinking this over. He’s normally inscrutable when he has need of it, and this time is no different, but Nate stands, unblinking and unflinching. Finally, Buck breaks into a face that clearly reads “are you kidding me?” and shakes his head no, tapping his temple.
Eryk Masters: There you go.
Other Guy: Rude, really.
Eryk Masters: Smart. Buck isn’t some yokel, despite what you might think.
Other Guy: Yokel or not, you don’t deny a man a handshake!
Nate finally breaks and laughs, indicating clearly “I had to give it a shot” before shrugging. Both men share a laugh, and Robideau indicates that he would like a shot at the belt, grinning–and then RUSHES BUCK, fast, doubling the champion over with a hard Thai front kick directly to the midsection!! The crowd erupts into boos, apocalyptic, as Buck attempts to get to his hands and knees, clearly struggling to regain his wind. Nate does give him a moment of respite, circling and letting loose with a field goal kick directly to the ribs, causing Dresden to come off the mat before landing on his side, coughing, his face red.
Eryk Masters: Oh God damn him, I knew it!
Other Guy: Disrespect will not be tolerated, ‘Ryk!
Nate peels his shirt and hoodie off, sneering, before sizing up his options. Buck is to his knees shakily, grasping at the middle rope, trying to get to his feet–but it’s apparent that two hard blows to his stomach after an entire match of competition is harming his ability to get oxygen in any meaningful way. Nate, for his part however, is encouraging him, telling him to get to his feet with a smile on his face. Finally, using the corner as an assist, he makes it to standing…and rushes Nate! The crowd explodes as they trade blows, but Robideau is just eating the champion’s punches, and giving him totally rested, full power strikes! Buck falters after a particularly hard hook shot to his jaw, dropping to one knee, and Nate grasps him in a front guillotine before dropping his entire weight, slamming Dresden’s face into the mat! He planks his legs for leverage, wrenching the champion’s throat upwards while his skull is pinned down!! His body begins to thrash, fighting it, causing Nate to solidify his grip as hard as humanly possible, muscles flexed, veins popping!! Trash begins to rain on the ring as the fight slowly bleeds from Buck’s body, until he’s finally limp, totally out cold!! Blackhawk gets his feet under him and raises Dresden’s limp body up until he’s seated on his knees, woozily veering left and right, his eyes blinking slowly.
Eryk Masters: This is a despicable display, I’m fed up with this guy!
Other Guy: Listen, everyone else does this they’re hungry and they’ve got the heart of a champion, but when Nate does it he’s abhorrent? I don’t buy it!
Eryk Masters: I’m not selling it! It’s a fact!!
Nate looks at his handiwork, breathing heavily but smiling all the same. He holds out his right hand for…a handshake. Buck is unable to even register what’s being presented to him, so Nate leans down and grabs his hand, limply placing it in his own. The crowds boos are threatening to tear the roof of as he vigorously shakes the Champion’s hand–then DRAGS HIM FORWARDS AS HE DIVES TO THE MAT, PULLING HIS FACE DIRECTLY IN THE PATH OF A HOOKING 12-TO-6 ELBOW!! Buck’s head SNAPS backward, and he hits the mat in a poor fashion, his legs folded under his body, arms splayed to the side, head lolling. Robideau stands and snatches the World Heavyweight championship and kisses the plate, then lays the belt over Buck’s already bleeding face. Then…he simply slides out of the ring and waits with his arms behind his back, chuckling, as SHOOT Project security zip tie his wrists together and lead him up the ramp. The final image we see is Buck’s body, blood leaking from underneath the belt, before the screen goes black.
